Tony La Russa's Daughter Is An Attractive Raiders Cheerleader

I use the images above as exhibit A, B, and C to reach the following verdict: Tony La Russa may be one of the ugliest people on this planet we call Earth. I'm sorry to put it that bluntly, but a fact is a fact. There has been more than one time that I've been watching a Cardinals game, they've cut to the dugout, and I've had to stop eating a sandwich. I don't blame the guy, as drinking a crap-ton of liquor, yelling at umps, and spending the summers baking in the sun does little to aid one's complexion.

Still, you can imagine my surprise when I came across this picture:

Pretty attractive, no? Brace yourselves...it's Tony La Russa's DAUGHTER!

Oh, wait, you garnered that from the title of this post? Crap. I should have thought of that.

Oh well, too lazy to change it now.

Apparently Bianca La Russa has tried out to be an Oakland Raiders cheerleader and is going to be named to their dance squad this year. Doing a quick google image search of Bianca La Russa, I am floored this person came from Tony La Russa's family tree and no one knew about it. It's like finding out Dudley Moore's daughter is Brooklyn Decker, or Steven Tyler's daughter is....Liv Tyler...well, you get the point.

Here are more images of Bianca. Credit her mom:

EPIC MCDONALDS FIGHT!!!

Holy cow!!!! The San Francisco Giants are up on the Texas Rangers 2-0 in the World Series.

This is not what I am "Holy Cow"-ing about. Check out this clip taken in a San Fran-area McDonalds yesterday. It is mayhem the likes of which I have never seen. The most epic moment is when the gigantic towel-wearing guy starts throwing people around like they are store mannequins (at the 1:50 minute mark).



These Giants fans are obviously upset that I went with the Bengals as my "orange and black" HCW team yesterday. Sheesh. I WAS going to go to McDonalds today to get one of their Halloween McBoo pails today, but now I may steer clear. I am too finely-groomed and classy for such uncouth behavior.

Oh yeah, and Happy Halloween everyone!!!

Japanese Guys Have Got Some Ups

Pretty damn amazing. I love his halfhearted attempts to conceal his smile afterward.


EMBED-Spiderman Style Baseball Catch - Watch more free videos

Get Off The Damn Phone!

Been extremely busy, but more updates will come in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, please enjoy this helpful reminder from this past week to stay the f off of the phone while you are at a sporting event:

Okay, NOW I'm Excited

I love the Florida Marlins. Partially because they have one of the most absurd mascots in the history of mankind, a fish that is most often seen on the walls of weekend sports fishermen.

Well, new details have leaked about their new stadium, and apparently there will be TWO HUGE AQUARIUMS BEHIND HOME PLATE!

The only thing that could make the team more fun as it fills its seats with roughly 80 crusty, old folks is the thought of a foul ball shattering an aquarium and fish shooting all over the place. Screw the shatterproof glass. If there is one thing I learned Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park taught me, it is that "nature finds a way". There WILL be fish all over the turf at some point, and I just hope I'm there to see it.

Anyhoo, here are some artists conceptions. Have a great weekend folks!

Hey, Watch Your Leg

Some Phillies doof named Kendry Morales hit a home run to much fanfare.

When he got to home plate he slipped.

He is now out with a completely broken leg.

Enjoy!

Scott Stapp Begins His Long, Long, Long Journey Back to the Top with "Marlins Will Soar"

This took me about an hour to post because I was laughing so hard imagining this being played for the tens of Marlins fans in the stands wearing ponchos during a rain delayed game against the Nationals.

And why are the Marlins soaring? Isn't the marlin a fish? Here's the Miami local sports station's Marlins-specific version.

Totally Awesome

Obviously, we've found the person who should be the next great Cuban leader. He's smart enough to realize that if you're about to start a fight you might wanna keep the bat.

No One Gives A Crap About Halladay-Lee Deal

BRISTOL, Connecticut - At the offices of ESPN, talking heads have been droning nonstop about the Halladay for Lee deal in baseball. Words have been tossed around like "historic", "breath-taking" and "explosive" to describe the trade that would exchange Cy Young Award winners. Peter Gammons ripped his own face off to show how something even as big as an old man ripping his own face off would pale in comparison to how incredible a trade this was.

A recent man-on-the-street poll has roughly 96% of Americans not even sure who the hell Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay are and don't watch baseball anymore. The remaining percentage constitutes 2% who are baseball fans for teams not involved in the trade, 2% who are fans of the teams but see the trade as a wash, and 1% who are actually Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee.

ESPN writer Rob Neyer wrote for the Mariners "This is, quite frankly, a heist." Yahoo Sports writer Jeff Passan wrote, "The biggest baseball trade in almost 2 years is a few dots, crosses and passport stamps from completion."

In a related note, ESPN and Yahoo have seen a drop in viewers during the Halladay-Lee coverage, down 999% from the Tiger Woods coverage. The remaining 1% were people wondering if Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee were the names of people who slept with Tiger Woods.

Chicago White Sox Acquire Talented Rap Star

CHICAGO, Illinois - The Chicago White Sox have traded with the Dodgers to acquire rapper Juan Pierre. No Illinois tour dates have been scheduled as of the announcement. The move is viewed as a major blow to the West Coast rap scene.

Your 2009 NL Cy Young Winner: That Kid From Dazed and Confused

Before Lincecum/Wiley Wiggins could accept his award, Ben Affleck paddled his ass red.

Marlins Coghlan Excited To Find Out Which Team He'll Be Traded To

MIAMI, Florida - Yesterday Florida Marlins left fielder Chris Coghlan was named NL Rookie Of The Year. Today, he wakes with a smile on his face, wondering where he will inevitably be traded to.

"Everyone knows that any sort of accolades within the Marlins organization include an express ticket to a contender and a bloated contract", Coghlan said, winking as he piled his possessions into a moving van. "Kevin Brown, Gary Sheffield, Miguel Cabrera, Dontrelle Willis, Mike Lowell, Josh Beckett...hell, even crappy-ass Carl Pavano were immediately shipped to great organizations at the top of their divisions. I've already sold my house in Florida and plan to wait for the call."

Coghlan's hand smacked the side of the moving truck as he added, "Yippee Kiyay Mother-(expletive deleted)."

"I've even got some buddies helping me move." Coghlan pointed at Marlins second baseman Dan Uggla and ace pitcher Josh Johnson, both of whom waved weakly and will likely be sent to other teams for unknown prospects this offseason.

Looking at the sun shining, Chris Coghlan added, "It's almost a shame to say goodbye. It feels like I just got here. Ah well, it's a rule that I have to get shipped out as soon as I am good, and I will stand by it. The rule has applied to everyone before me...well, everyone except Hanley Ramirez it seems."

From his hiding spot behind a palm tree, the words stung Hanley Ramirez, a single tear finding its way down his cheek.