This Is Why I Love Soccer

Stories like this make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. How great is this?

A "fake" Togo national team played against Bahrain in an international friendly last week, prompting an investigation from the African nation's sports ministry and FIFA.

Bahrain's Ismail Abdulatif in action against Qatar days before the fake match

Bahrain beat who they thought was the Togo national team 3-0 in Bahrain last Tuesday, but Togo officials have claimed to have no knowledge of the match. It has emerged the players may not have been professional footballers or even Togolese nationals but mystery still surrounds their true identity.

So Bahrain beat another country's national team, only to find out they were IMPOSTERS and the real team claimed they still hadn't played yet?!?! I swear that soccer is 800 times more ridiculous than any other sport in the world and this only adds to its charm. I can't wait until the inevitable happens and a soccer team loses to another, and then learns that the winning team was really full of zoo animals. It is the logical next progression of the sport.

Let's Go To Texas!

When I was in college, I lived in one of the top 5 most sexually active dorms in the US of A. The list went like this:

5 - Bentley College, Massachusetts: Castle Hall
4 - Connecticut College: Harkness Hall
3 - Arizona State University: South Desert Village
2 - The George Washington University: Mabel Nelson Thurston Hall
1 - University of Rhode Island: Barlow Hall

God Bless, you URI Barlow Hall members. If all of you haven't succumbed to the JFK-level amount of STDs in your systems, I raise my glass to you. Number 4 was where I resided, and was coincidentally was also the number of moans and groans that could be heard throughout the halls on a given night. 'Twas a different time.

Being an avid researcher of who the sex crown is going to these days, I decided to open one of my favorite periodicals Men's Health. MH came out with a list of the top sex-happy U.S. Cities, and all I can say is that if you are a resident of Texas and are reading this, chances are naughty things are happening to you from the waist down as you read:

1. Austin, TX
2. Dallas, TX
3. Columbus, OH
4. Durham, NC
5. Denver, CO
6. Indianapolis, IN
7. Arlington, TX
8. Oklahoma City, OK
9. Bakersfield, CA
10. Houston, TX
11. Lubbock, TX
12. Fort Worth, TX
13. Charlotte, NC
14. Fresno, CA
15. San Antonio, TX

Alright, besides the obvious Texas shenanigans going on, a few observations:

-That Columbus, Ohio number is going to go WAYYYY down now that Lebron is Miami-bound and bringing his "three sex parties each night" average with him.

-Utah is always somewhere high on these lists of things that are decidedly un-Mormon. I find that funny.

-California and North Carolina have uncommonly good looking people. I have noticed this, and I am glad that they have too. Hollywood makes sense for good looking people, but North Carolina baffles me. Somehow, they manage.

Anyhoo, the moral of this story? Move to Texas if you want the nookie.

Fun video of the day: Here is a guy shopping with an attractive drunk girl in tow. I have no idea how this guy manages to completely get his shopping list done with this girl draped all over him, but kudos to him:

Yay For NFL On-Field Microphones!

NFL Football is upon us, and no one is happier than me. -Well, me and Bernard Pollard of the Houston Texans, as this clip will show.

Despite the fact that I was traveling for most Sunday, I still was able to see a snippet of a football game on TV in a cafe. I was delighted when the game I was watching cut away live to the Texans-Colts game, and this was the play that I saw. How can you NOT love on-field microphones? There is a good 50/50 chance of something going horribly wrong.

Reggie Wayne will think twice before catching a pass on Bernard Pollard, and CBS will think twice before miking the players:

This Dog Is A Lazy Jerk

I love my dog very, very much. That said, my dog is a complete jackass when he gets his leash put on. He fights against it like he's trying to win some sort of tug of war for treats, which he is not for the record (I have explained this to him many times).

While he is much better now, the first two years of having my dog out in public resulted in the laughter of passers by, mostly with comments like, "Wow, he really doesn't want to follow you on that leash, huh?" and "Stubborn little rascal, ain't he?" and other things that added absolutely nothing to the situation except making me hate the population of New York City.

It's taken years, but I've finally found someone who has a dog worse on the leash than mine was. I even find myself finding it cute and stopping myself from adding my own asinine comments to the situation, like so many did to me. Anyhoo, enjoy:


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I Like Dubs

I think the internet was created to watch Transformers dubbed with Wedding Crashers.



...Oh, and to watch a girl puke in zero gravity. Watch those barrel rolls!

Yo Yo Ova Heyah

I don't know if you can count the Yo Yo as a sport, but I'll be damned if that stops me posting this video of the World Yo Yo Champion.

Japanese Guys Have Got Some Ups

Pretty damn amazing. I love his halfhearted attempts to conceal his smile afterward.


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