Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Cuban Is A Gem

Mark Cuban came out today and spoke about the Shawn Marion acquisition. Whenever Mark Cuban speaks it is like an antagonistic pile of slop that is nonetheless extremely entertaining. -Something he got from Donald Trump and gave to Spencer Pratt (it's like an asshole family tree). I can't even imagine working my entire life, training day in and day out, only to have some fat pile of parted-haired poo criticize me while he gets turned down by Hooters waitresses.

Anyhoo, back to Cuban speaking out, it was mostly pretty nice this time. HOWEVA, with such a jerk you have to take a magnifying glass and identify the bits of jackass in his statement.

For instance, Cuban says,

"Just as importantly, Shawn hears and reads everything saying he struggled. He wants to prove everyone wrong, which i think is a beautiful thing."

In short, Cuban here is saying, "Just in case anyone forgets, I'm going to pay very, very special attention to the criticism people have been heaping on this guy by calling him out on it. Hopefully he will take my jerky reminding and use it as an incentive to play better." It's like a guy telling a girl, "I don't care that everyone calls you a smelly, filthy cow...I love ya."

Seriously, someone deck this guy. Hopefully it makes him say more and then I have more to write! Yay, everyone wins!

Monday, September 14, 2009


Dwight Howard promoted NBA Live 10 the only way he knew how: By inviting gamers to the basketball court and making them look like idiots.

This has me torn. On one hand, I do not like embarrassing people that are not athletically gifted. On the other hand, I hate gamer nerds, and would give them wedgies and stuff them all in a locker given the chance. I share this in common with Ogre from "Revenge Of The Nerds". Here is Dwight playing around with some nerdy dorkenstein:

Note: A week from today I am going to Norway for business, so I will cram as much fun into this week as possible before I am inevitably sliced in half by vikings.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Looking Back At Lil' Lebron

Nowadays everyone knows Lebron is NBA royalty, but so soon we forget the insane amounts of pressure heaped upon this guy when he entered the league.  I still remember watching his first game and thinking to myself, "Whoa...this guy is having a good game.  Way to respond to all the hype!"  Little did I know just how good he would become.  I could only imagine how insanely good this "Darko" guy drafted after him could be.  

Lest we forget, here is a highlight clip of Lebron's first game in the NBA.  Joe Dumars is somewhere watching this and saying, "Thank GOD I won that championship.  How else would I have a job after that draft?"

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Nets Stadium's 18th Possible Design

The Nets unveiled what looks like the final design for their new "will it or won't it happen" Brooklyn stadium today.  Since I have trouble with flash images and am too lazy to learn, to check it out, paste the link below into your browser:


If you are like me, you think the thing looks like a giant fat beetle.  After games, I can imagine this thing scurrying up Brendan Fraser's leg like it did in The Mummy.

That this stadium looks like a beetle is not to say that it is bad.  I applaud this new design BECAUSE it looks so different and weird.  Brooklyn, unlike Manhattan, is devoid of many iconic eye-catching buildings.  It is a maze of warehouses, apartment buildings, parks, and coffee shops and it lacks that one thing that will make tourists say, "I HAVE to go to Brooklyn while I am in town to see THIS!"  Right now, as a New Yorker, I can tell you the current structure filling that description is the only Target in the area.  This building will at least make people want to look like the gigantic insect no doubt hiding out in David Stern's thick shell of a body (Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith should be alerted to his whereabouts).

To make matters even better, Barclays is sponsoring it.  For those of you not in the know, Barclays is the enormous conglomerate that sponsors the ENTIRE LEAGUE of English soccer...er..."football".  There, it is the "Barlays Premier League.  That's like a company sponsoring the NFL (I like the sound of "Trojan Brand Latex National Football League).

With all of these posts about the Nets recently, they are going to be one hell of a strange team to watch in the coming years.  Jay Z...don't quit your day job.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Nets Jerseys Are The Village Bicycle

We've already reported that the Nets will start giving out free jerseys for opposing teams this upcoming season, something that will no doubt help attendance in the short term and hurt the team's fanbase in the long term.  Now, the Nets are doing their best to top that.

According to multiple sources, the Nets will start putting advertising on their practice jerseys.  Unfortunately it will not be the scantily-clad ladies of GoDaddy.com, but will be some company called PNY Technologies (which is likely pronounced "Punany").  I give it, oh let's say 1 whole year before the Nets' jerseys look like this:

I, personally, will wait to purchase the "Mellow Yellow" alternate jersey.

This is just the latest in a long line of gimmicks the Nets are chucking out there to get ANYONE to watch a team that lists Devin Harris, Courtney Lee, and Brook Lopez as its biggest stars. I don't know about you, but I am SUPER excited to see what they do next.  Zombie Drazen Petrovic Theme Night can't be far off (too soon?)  

Somewhere Vince Carter is watching this and thanking God he got out of Jersey.  -Well, watching for a short while until he spots a bird out his window and tries to chase it (the guy has A.D.D, people.)

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Welcome To The Big Top: MJ Circus Shots

We got such a positive response via email to our post of some of the NBA's best circus shots that we decided to go straight to the source for a follow up: Michael Jordan.

The greatest trick of all?  That he could do all of these athletic shots with those short shorts.  


-#2 is ridiculous because he almost goes out of his way to do a trick shot.

-Why do cameramen keep finding attractive women in sweaters after MJ makes a play?

-Greg Ostertag continues his long-standing role of "posterized big man".

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Top 10 Circus Shots Of Last Season

Hey NBA: No news?  No Problem!

Here are the top 10 circus shots of this past season.  Enjoy.


Zombies Can Dunk Copyright 2009