Friday, February 29, 2008

Stephon Marbury BANNED! Madison Square Garden Attendance Goes From Two To One Person

Remember a while back when we reported that Stephon Marbury yelled about Isiah Thomas on the Knicks' team plane? If you want a refresher course, here are the elloquent words from Mr. Marbury:
"Isiah has to start me! I've got so much sh** on Isiah and he knows it! He thinks he can fu** me! But I'll fu** him first! You have no idea what I know!"
Well...all I can say now is that he must have known some pretty good stuff.

The New York Post reported today that the Knicks have placed a gag order on Stephon Marbury, preventing him to talk to the media AND have banned him from Madison Square Garden. They BANNED him, I say! That was the worst possible thing a city could do a person in the 18th century (not including dismemberment, drowning and being forced to marry the kings' ugly daughter).

Now, it's one thing to view a player as a detriment to the team and to tell him legal action will be brought against him for talking to the media...but to actually have a player banned from the home stadium makes this both laughable and super interesting all at once. What DOES Stephon Marbury actually have on Isiah? What did he do at this point to upset the Knicks? Will anyone even remember Stephon Marbury even exists one month from now? So many questions!

The biggest bit of intrigue to me is that Stephon Marbury is getting a gag order from the Knicks of all teams. No team has been more made fun of, more yelled at by their own fans, and more despised by their cities' media. The english language as a whole is even against them at this point. What could that team POSSIBLY hear from Stephon's lips that they haven't already heard? Arggg, more questions! Curse this infernal media gag order!

I only have three guesses at this point:

1) Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury, former friends, did some really no-no bad things with a girl at some point and Stephon is threatening to tattle. Think like Duke Lacrosse Team bad. Think the movie Very Bad Things bad. Would you be surprised if this was the info? Me either.

2) Isiah Thomas and James Dolan have a secret agreement that Stephon was told about. I call this the "Lost" theory, because like the television show, you're hoping there is SOME revelation at the end that explains everything. There has got to be some explanation as to how these two people are actually still employed.

3) Isiah Thomas is in fact the shapeshifting clown from the movie IT. This would at least explain the constant grinning. This is the most likely answer, and the one that keeps me up at night with a flashlight and a baseball bat.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I Love Me Some Bad Dunks

Slow news day in the NBA, so I thought I would post some of my favorite basketball dunks...of the crappy variety. Enjoy!

Hornets forward Julian Wright sets the bar rather high right from the get-go:

Delonte West goofing off in practice. Now we know where that mark on his face comes from:

A classic. Not an NBA player, but I say it's only a matter of time before the Knicks call with a contract:

And finally, a beautiful montage to the art of the horrifically missed dunk attempt:

It's sad that the missed dunk cannot be worth more than 0 points. The bruised ego scores with us all.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

PJ Brown Ends His Career By Retiring In A Noble Fashion...Wait, Nevermind

The year long flirtation of whether PJ Brown would or wouldn't retire has finally reached its climax (Wow, I had no idea that was going to sound so sexual): Today, it became official that Brown is hopping on to ride the Boston Celtics bandwagon (...again, sorta sexual).

For those of you readers who peruse NBA team message boards on the internet, chances are you saw PJ Brown or Chris Webber's name pop up at some point as a possible cheap pickup option for your squad. While Webber's delay in signing seemed to be ego related since he demanded playing time be included in whichever contract he signed, PJ's delay seemed a little more legit. Whenever anyone asked PJ who he saw himself playing for, he would shrug and say that retirement was really the best option until further notice. Even I have to admit that's an adorable response. For the five of you that believed him when he said this, I have a created a nametag for you to wear to help you introduce yourself from here on out:

With PJ slapping some green on his chest (Is that sexual? Perhaps a stripper reference? I have no idea at this point), it is more obvious than ever that he was just waiting to see who would be in definite playoff contention so he could get in for the glory. With the Western Conference being such a crapshoot given all of the good teams, the Celtics are the closest thing to a surefire playoff ticket. At this rate it's only a matter of time before we see Dan Marino and Don Mattingly join the Boston Celtics to get that elusive championship ring.

Crazy to think that most Celtics fans, now hooting and holering around the town about how good their team is, looked like this just last season:

Ah well, at least there's room for more Dolan and Isiah paper bags.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

It's A Fun Nickname...Right Up Until The Brain Tests

Bobcats star forward Gerald Wallace's nickname is "Crash", which is a cute reference to his penchant to tossing his body around the floor like a rag doll for his hapless, neon orange team. People watch him and Dwayne Wade run around and laugh and cheer like they're watching one of those bears on unicycles at the circus.
Well, maybe it's time to stop using the "Crash" nickname with a smirk and a giggle, and for someone to say, "So, uh, dude?...Can you take it down a notch?"

Why? Well, today Gerald Wallace is going to the brain doctor to undergo tests. Apparently, he just recently got his 4th concussion in 4 years, something which seems very difficult to achieve. You know you have issues when you get a brain-injury hat trick and THEN some. The latest concussion involved an errant elbow from Sacramento Kings' Mikki "all elbows" Moore, which knocked Wallace unconscious and made everyone really nervous for a while. If you've ever seen the Bobcats mascot "Rufus Lynx" nervous, you know something bad just went down.
This is only the latest in a list of completely bizarre Bobcats injuries. Let's recap:

Adam Morrison - Diabetes

Gerald Wallace - Fragile Brain

Derek Anderson - Dibilitating Dental Issues

Sean May & Othella Harrington - Knee Injuries have knee injuries, which have knee injuries

In all seriousness, we hope that Gerald Wallace gets better and stops hitting his skull. We all see how annoying Steve Young is on ESPN these days after all his concussions, and if that is the road Gerald's brain is headed down we need to give him a helmet NOW before it's too late.

It's On You Again!

The NBA news is all abuzz with genetic freaks. Sam Cassell has been bought out, and now Yao Ming is being reported to be done for the season with a stress fracture in his left foot. Right now Houston is riding a 12-game winning streak and would be seeded 7th if the playoffs were to begin today.

Tracy McGrady is most likely right now playing softball in his home with increased intensity, hoping to avoid depression and Stephen A, who is banging on his door right now looking for another ludicrous quote.

E.T. Go Home

The contract of extraterrestrial/gollum, Sam Cassell, has been bought out by the Los Angeles Clippers. Considering the Clips' frugal history plus the 100% certainty that Cassell would make everyone's life hell due to the team's inability to get their point guard traded by the deadline, this was a smart decision that might have been against Donald Sterling's nature.

The top three teams that covet this escapee from a genetic engineering lab while also possessing the most money to offer are Boston, Dallas, and Denver. While Dallas has the most money to offer, Boston could offer the most playing time. My hopes and dreams will come true if Cassell is reunited with George Karl in Denver, which is comparable to throwing a match onto gasoline that's covering Gary Busey in a public library.

That's all I got, so here's some more pictures of this freak-a-zoid.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Move Aside, Seacrest! THF Predicts The Oscars!

UPDATE: Wow...No Country and random The Bourne Ultimatum wins ruined my picks (and those of lot of other people in my pool). The only thing I seemed to predict correctly was that Jon Stewart would suck as host. My keen ability to predict who will annoy me stays intact.
I just got back from a weekend trip to Atlantic City, $50 lighter in the wallet but richer in stories. While on my trip I ate like a king, drank like Sinatra, and apparently sleepwalked (this is yet to be confirmed with photographic evidence). The highlight for me was when I saw Arizona Cardinals QB Matt Leinart with his knockout (and I do mean knockout) girlfriend outside of a comedy club at the Borgata. I walked up to him and said, "Hey Kurt. I love what you're doing with the team". He gave me an annoyed look and walked away. He looked exactly like this, except he was unshaven and had shorter hair:

His girlfriend giggled so I consider it a victory.

This talk of entertainment and greed brings us to this year's Oscars. I know, you're probably wondering what Oscar picks are doing on a basketball website. To this I reply with the fact that lately Oscar parties are filling that void between Super Bowl and NBA Finals parties, so Oscar pools have become big business for gamblers. If you're like me, you're settling in to watch them with a bunch of buds and have some cold hard cash in an Oscar pool. You will need this cash to later bet on the NBA Finals, so victory tonight is crucial.

...Hey, I didn't say it was perfect logic, but if I can help a few thousand readers win some money by telling them who will win best animated feature, so be it.

Without any further ado, here are my Oscar picks for this year. I will update this list afterwards with any incorrect answers in "There Will Be Blood" RED.

Best Picture - There Will Be Blood

Best Actor - Daniel Day Lewis (There Will Be Blood)

Best Supporting Actor - Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men)

Best Actress - Julie Christie (Away From Her)

Best Supporting Actress - Amy Ryan (Gone Baby Gone)

Animated Feature - Persepolis

Art Direction - Sweeney Todd

Cinematography - There Will Be Blood

Costume Design - Sweeney Todd

Directing - There Will Be Blood

Best Documentary Feature - No End In Sight

Documentary Short Subject - La Corona (The Crown)

Film Editing - No Country For Old Men

Foreign Language Film - Beaufort

Best Makeup - La Vie En Rose

Original Score - Atonement

Original Song - That's How You Know

Short Animated Film - Madame Tutli-Putli

Short Live Action Film - Il Supplemente (The Substitute)

Sound Editing - The Bourne Ultimatum

Sound Mixing - Transformers

Visual Effects - Transformers

Writing (Adapted) - No Country For Old Men

Writing (Original) - Juno
To be honest, overall I just want to see There Will Be Blood win as much as possible. Not only did I love the movie, but I am actually looking forward to the inevitable corny-as-hell "There Will Be GOLD!" headlines the next morning. The rest of my hopes involve Persepolis upsetting that animated Rat movie, and me being able to stomach Jon Stewart for longer than a half hour (unlikely). Enjoy the awards, folks! Hopefully we see someone trip up the stairs!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Is That All You've Got: An Anal Thermometer Watch

If you were to ask Black and Blue and GL who the biggest pick-up outside of Kevin Garnett was going into this season, they'd surely say it was Orlando's addition of former Supersonic Rashard Lewis. And why wouldn't they? With the size to post up smaller defenders and range to pull the larger ones away from the paint, Lewis has a career average of 18, 5, and 2. His ability to stretch the defense would hinder the competition from double-teaming franchise star, Dwight Howard. That alone would be worth his max deal paid over six years, right?

So far, not so much...

While his scoring average has dropped slightly, it is consistent with his career numbers. The big knock against him: he hasn't shot this poorly since his rookie year yet, he's jacking up a league-high 6.9 threes a game and shooting 2 less free-throws a game.

Enter the Holy Turk. Despite uncertainty of his role on the team or if he'd even make it through the season without getting traded, Hedo Turkoglu is averaging career highs in points, rebounds, assists, and free-throws attempted. He's emerged as the team's best facilitator in the half-court offense while proving he's the most clutch player on the team when the game's outcome hangs in the balance.

Unfortunately, he's reminding those optimists from the pre-season that Lewis isn't a spring chicken anymore and that he will never become a player worthy of wearing the title of superstar. In fact, he fits more closely into the category of good player on a bad team if anything. I don't want to rain on the parade of those who've fallen in love with Howard and the Magic, but Lewis's massive contract will prove to be a major roadblock in the road to a championship for the next 5 years. With Lewis clogging up the salary cap, can you really expect this team to make it to the finals, much less put up a decent fight against any power from the West? Because that's what this is all about at this point.

Friday, February 22, 2008

THF Anal Thermometer Watch: Houston Rockets Edition

Tonight the Rockets won their 11th straight game, beating the Hornets (our previous Anal Thermometer Watch Subject) with Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady combining for 62 of the team's 100 points. With the team appearing unstoppable lately, it's time to put on the ol' bifocals, take out the stethescope, and see what's gotten into the guts of these Rockets lately.

First and foremost I have to point out that the success of Houston boils down to far more than just Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming. Those two players contribute a ton, but the other players on the team have really stepped up and a are the glue that holds the team together...That being said, if either T-Bac or Yow! Ming (as the doctors know him) get significantly injured again this team will sink like a stone. -Actually like a stone tied to a 2-ton weight.

We already know a ton about McGrady and Yao, so let's take a gander at the rest of the team shall we?

First, let's talk about Shane Battier. Most people remember him as that incredibly hyped Duke guy coming out of college, since he has really blended into the background with a somewhat boring game and even more boring persona. I perfer to focus on his natural gifts, which to me means focusing on the fact that there are aerodynamically cut ridges in his skull:

Seriously, I can't look at him without focusing on those skull ridges. What ARE those? If someone told me he carved those in to achieve higher speeds like drivers in NASCAR, I wouldn't bat an eye.

Next, we have AND1 "Skip To My Lou" Rafer Alston. Now THAT is an interesting character. Not only does he have the playful ability to skip while dribbling the ball upcourt, but he also allegedly slashed a man on the neck during a nightclub altercation. Really, that is what most people should look for in a role model and (when possible) ghostwriter for an autobiography. When I'm retired and famous, if my autobiography doesn't involve the words "nightclub altercation" than I have not lived a full life.

Next we have Luis Scola, the man G.L. Rawx likens to Antonio Banderas. I hesitate to agree with this, as I personally think he looks more like WWE Superstar "Rhino". For those of you not familiar with the wrestler Rhino (few are), his only move was to charge at a guy and spear him to the ground. Success completely revolved around this move. This all leads us to the inevitable conclusion that I somehow have more to say about WWE wrestler Rhino than Luis Scola. The guy rebounds and usually scores around 10 points. I dunno.

Beyond those three, we have a nice mish-mash of players. The team just traded for Flava Flav-lookalike Bobby Jackson, a guy who somehow is still productive despite getting fouled in a horrific fashion by someone at least once per game. They are also getting Gerald Green, the guy who did the "blowing out the candle dunk", which was arguably the coolest dunk in this year's dunk contest (he has teammate Mutombo jumping up like a schoolgirl on television at the sight of Dwight Howard's superhero outfit to thank for him losing). Lastly, Aaron Brooks is somehow making his name respectable again, despite sharing it with his backwards-pass-throwing counterpart in the NFL.

On a scale of 1-1o on the THF Anal Thermometer Watch we give the Rockets a bombastic 10 and the only prescription that can calm the feva is more cowbell rating. I picked them to come in second in the Southwest at the beginning of the season and it is good to see doing well so as to help me seem like less of a moron now than I was earlier in the season. Yay for that!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

11 Player Deal Makes Everyone Forget Who Is On Seattle, Cleveland, and Chicago


In the wake of THF writer G.L. Rawx's prediction that there wouldn't be any more trades before the deadline today, the Sonics, Cavs and Bulls decided to trade about a bajillion guys.

Here's how it breaks down from a technical standpoint:

-The Cavs get Ben Wallace, Joe Smith, Delonte West, Wally's Szczerbiak, and the Bull's 2nd rounder.

-The Bulls get Larry Hughes, Drew Gooden, Cedric Simmons, Shannon Brown

-The Sonics get Ira Newble, Donyell Marshall, Adrian Griffin.

Now here's how it breaks down from a casual NBA fan's standpoint:

-Cleveland got a 33-year old Wallace, who is averaging 5 points and 8 rebounds, and his bloated contract. The missing championship link? I don't think even he believes that anymore. As for the rest, Delonte West isn't a bad pickup...but I am REALLY excited about Wally's World being on Cleveland. The same guy who basically made KG's life a living hell by bungling plays and singlehandedly lost games for Seattle will now be doing the same to King James. I can't wait to watch how this goes down. I shudder in advance for Cavs fans.

-The Bulls added guards number 500 and 501 to their roster by getting Hughes and Shannon Brown, but also got some big man help in Drew Gooden and Cedric Simmons. To be honest, I have absolutely no clue if there was really any plan that went into this move on the Bulls part. The trade probably just went down like this:

Bulls: "Hey Cavs. We want to rid ourselves of Ben Wallace at any cost. That whole huge contract thing was our bad. We really don't care how this deal goes down. You fill in the blanks, take and give who you want, and call us in the morning."

-As for the Sonics, I guess I'd have to say they were the winners in this whole thing just because they traded away Wally's World. If they think they've one-up the Grizzlies in the "we're going to dump salary at any cost" contest, they need to take a look at how Gasol is doing on the Lakers and think again. No one ruins their fanbase like the Grizz.

I'd comment more on this, but 11 player deals make my head hurt after a while. Let's just say that despite the hype it is likely none of these teams will sniff a championship after this and call it a night.

Spurs Get In Under the Gun

At the close of the deadline, I'm proud of our Association GM's. We're always complaining about how no one has the balls to make moves (Otis Smith), but we've seen some pretty nice movement this season. I think it's fairly safe to say (is it ever safe?) that we're not going to see much more if anymore dealing before the 3PM deadline, but last night we saw the Seattle Storm trade the coveted 4th pick in the WNBA draft to the Detroit Shock for the dominant perennial all star Swin Cash San Antonio Spurs deal a Bazooka Joe comic Fransisco Elson, Brent Barry, and their 2009 first round draft pick to the Seattle Supersonics for veteran (35 years old? Really?) C/F Kurt Thomas.

Like Ruben Studdard's recording contract, this deal is minimal, but has some sort of impact for someone somewhere. Elson and Barry's deals are expiring, so the Sonics are getting significant cap room for offseason dealings, and coupled with the trade exemption cash they got for Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis they should do well with that. But really, the deal gets done mainly for San Antonio's 2009 first round pick. I get that Seattle's blowing it up, but are you hoping that you can get a guy who can come in and play now with a super late first round pick? I know a boy can dream but damn Sam Presti, that's some dream. The only feasible explanation I can see for them being excited about a pick like that is the ability to deal it somewhere else; they have 2 picks in the first round for the next 3 years, which is more than enough to make some selections as well as have some nice trade bait.

Thomas should see plenty of playing time with San Antonio, he fits right in with that veteran/journeyman mentality that seems to work so well with the Spurs (Michael Finley, Robert Horry, Jacque Vaughn, Damon Stoudamire, Bruce Bowen, damn who on your team isn't old!?!?!), he'll compete with Fabricio Oberto for the starting job (yes he may start), and will easily be able to contribute and help them win now. How much I'm not sure, but there were plenty of teams that were taking a good look at Kurt Thomas for themselves, so the rich get richer while Durant shoots more. Next stop Oklahoma City!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Kobe Vs. Shaq: Gee, Anyone Watching This One?

Tonight on ESPN the Suns take on the Lakers for what seems like the 8 zillionth time in the past two years. We have the fun playoffs that featured these two teams going head-to-head to thank for that (and their mutual love of the color purple).

This game is different though, for obvious reasons you've probably already had yelled in your ear all day by television and radio analysts: Shaq will be on the Suns, and it is a fun coinkidink that his first game is against arch-villain Kobe Bryant. Somewhere David Stern just laughed to the heavens as he did the backstroke in a Duck Tales-esque money bin.

Personally, it couldn't be easier to figure out who America will be rooting with on this one. Kobe is a sneering, angry, trade-request plagued primadonna who got lucky in that his team surrounded him with some amazing talent this season. Shaq, meanwhile, is the aging goliath who has funny things to say, always gives a ton of credit to his teammates, and even helps fat kids shed weight for fun (I guess we all have our weird hobbies). Toss in the fact that the Suns are perennial also-rans and they will be playing at home tonight to a fired up crowd and this one could break the record for "most people in America rooting for one team". -Well, if you don't count the Super Bowl this year (Daily twisting of the knife in Patriots fans: Check).

Ultimately I predict a pretty incredible game with the Suns winning a close one at the end. I base this entirely on the fact that Phil Jackson will probably be typing up everything for his next book during most of the game. The game is about to start, and although they are two great teams, I will join the nation of NBA fans by having my eyes squarely on two players for most of the game:

Yep, you guessed it: Boris Diaw and DJ Mbenga!

I will use this photo above to point out one of my favorite things in the NBA ever: A little thing I like to call "The Boris Diaw Face". A while ago, I pointed out to my friends that Boris Diaw always looks like he is giving a girl the "You know you want me" face in all of his profile photos. We have since used this expression in social settings numerous times:

Me: How did last night at the club go?

Friend: Not good. I was giving girls "The Boris Diaw Face" all night and STILL nothing!

Me: I guess it's time to start dating farm animals then, my friend. That move is unstoppable.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A Good Team Mascot Scares Children

If you were to happen to check out the Orlando Sentinel today, here is the image you were presented with:

The image is supposed to represent the Orlando Magic attempting to make a trade deadline deal. This all is lost on the viewer who is thrown into madness at the steely gaze of the Magic mascot.

I go back and forth on whether Nets' "Sly The Fox...and mini-Sly!" or "Stuff The Magic Dragon" are the best mascot ever created. This image temporarily puts the advantage in Stuff's favor. What are in those briefcases? Body parts? Ransom money? Pounds of Columbian cocaine?

I'll go the safe route and say all of the above.

Second Half Preview PART THREE: I Stupidly Cling To My Preseason Picks

As we each look back at our 07-08 predictions for our NBA midseason review, I must say I am quite happy with how my early season picks have turned out thus far.

No, I wasn't anywhere near fact in the Atlantic and Central divisions I think it is fair to say my predictions were the rough equivalent of a monkey throwing feces at the standings. Still, for the most part my choices still hold weight and that's why I'm changing very little.

Here are my midseason predictions on how things will turn out, with the changes from my early season picks in red.

Atlantic Division

1) Boston Celtics** (Guess they did live up to the hype. Oops)
2) Toronto Raptors* (Never bet against foreigners)
3) New Jersey Nets (I should have seen Vinsanity on this roster and ran)
4) New York Knicks (Isiah is making this prediction tough to keep)
5) Philadelphia 76ers (Anyone's guess what this team will do)

Central Divison

1) Detroit Pistons** (Who doesn't get better when Webber leaves?)
2) Cleveland Cavaliers* (Lebron could carry 2 teams at this point)
3) Chicago Bulls* (The team that ruined everyone's predictions. Congrats, Hinrich!)
4) Milwakee Bucks (A talented roster of weirdos. Redd will help win them more.)
5) Indiana Pacers (Diener is the only entertainment here, folks.)

Southeast Division

1) Orlando Magic** (Turkoglu is the surprise of the season. SVG is magical)
2) Washington Wizards* (Caron Butler turned into a #1 option. Scary!)
3) Atlanta Hawks* (The young talent finally gelled. Did not see this coming)
4) Charlotte Bobcats (Oh if only Morrison was healthy!...haha, yeah right)
5) Miami Heat (Everyone knew they'd be bad...but THIS bad?!)

Northwest Division

1) Utah Jazz** (I still say Sloan for coach of the year. Anyone?...Sigh)
2) Denver Nuggets (Playing well, but Artest could derail them if he comes)
3) Portland Trailblazers (Oden will make this team elite)
4) Seattle Supersonics (Oklahoma City Supersonics...that's a long name)
5) Minnesota Timberwolves (McHale is still employed. Miracles exist, people)

Pacific Division

1) Phoenix Suns** (Shaq makes me worry about this prediction)
2) Golden State Warriors* (Yes, I still like the Warriors. I'm not crazy)
3) L.A. Lakers* (Kobe's pinkie worries me. I once broke my pinkie toe. Owie!)
4) Sacramento Kings (Artest should be shipped any day now)
5) L.A. Clippers (Back where they were all those years)

Southwest Division

1) Dallas Mavericks** (Hopefully Kidd will bring my championship prediction to life)
2) Houston Rockets* (Surprise! I still like the Rockets, winners of 8 straight)
3) San Antonio Spurs* (This team will be in the playoffs until we're long dead)
4) New Orleans Hornets* (This team surprised, but I can see them stumbling)
5) Memphis Grizzlies (Firesale time! ...AGAIN!)

Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant

MVP: Lebron James (Gilbert getting hurt killed my prediction. I think Lebron IS his team this year)

Coach of the Year: Doc Rivers (Sorry, children...Jerry Sloan will never win.)


And there you have it, some wacky and wild predictions. We'll see how all three of us do and tabulate it at season's end.

Second Half Preview: Attack of the Clones The New Batch PART DEUX

Sorry guys, it's not a post about that hot piece Valeria Golino, nor is it about her sexy counterpart Charlie Sheen, sorry ladies, but alas, it is not 1993, and there's no longer a Kelly Kapowski poster on my wall, BUT IT'S MY NBA SECOND HALF PREDICTIONS OH YEAAAAAAH!!!!

Damn he's awesome.

Anyway, here goes.

G.L. Rawx's Predicted Standings, Awards, and Random Stuff:
**Denotes Division Winner, *Denotes playoff team


Atlantic Division
1) Boston Celtics**
2) Toronto Raptors*
3) New Jersey Nets
4) Philadelphia 76ers
5) New York Knicks

Central Division
1) Detroit Pistons**
2) Cleveland Cavaliers*
3) Chicago Bulls*
4) Indiana Pacers
5) Milwaukee Bucks

Southeast Division
1) Orlando Magic**
2) Atlanta Hawks*
3) Washington Wizards*
4) Charlotte Bobcats
5) Miami Heat


Northwest Division
1) Utah Jazz**
2) Portland Trailblazers*
3) Denver Nuggets*
4) Seattle Supersonics
5) Minnesota Timberwolves

Pacific Division
1) L.A. Lakers**
2) Phoenix Suns*
3) Golden State Warriors
4) Sacramento Kings
5) L.A. Clippers

Southwest Division
1) Dallas Mavericks**
2) San Antonio Spurs*
3) New Orleans Hornets*
4) Houston Rockets
5) Memphis Grizzlies

Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant

I don't see how anyone could state otherwise. His 19.4 points with 4.1 boards, 2.3 assists, and 1.1 blocks in 33 minutes a game are pretty strong, with the closest to him being Al Horford with a decent 9 point 10 board average.

Most Improved Player: Jose Calderon

'06-'07 Stats: 8.7 PPG, 5.0/1.4 APG/TOPG, 52% FG
'07-'08 Stats: 12.9 PPG, 8.9/1.6 APG/TOPG, 55% FG
That assist to turnover ratio is RETARDED.

MVP: Kobe Bryant

Kobe's game is evolving again, and now that he passes the ball people will notice his all around play, and remember that even with what he does with the ball, he still plays fantastic defense.

Coach of the Year: Doc Rivers

The Celtics are really just that good. I don't think they lose 15 games, and anyone who can coach those 3 guys and keep them all happy deserves to be recognized. Plus when Rajon Rondo is playing GOOD basketball, someone must be applauded.

NBA Finals Outcome: L.A. Lakers over Boston

Mulligan! Our Second Half Preview PART I

The Howeva Files was created at what some would call "The 11th hour" of the NBA offseason, leaving precious little time for us to preview what we think will happen this year...Still, we have a responsibility to you, our loyal readers, to pick what we think will happen to the NBA teams this upcoming season...even if it's thrown together at the last second and would probably get a D- as a grade in school.
Sadly, this was the best prediction we made back in October. In fact, we did get D minuses and are now kicked out of community college. Now that we've got nothing better to do, you can bet your kids' college funds on these well-researched predictions.

Anubis Taylor's Predicted Standings, Awards, and Random Stuff:
**Denotes Division Winner, *Denotes playoff team


Atlantic Division
1) Boston Celtics**
2) Toronto Raptors*
3) Philadelphia 76ers*
4) New Jersey Nets
5) New York Knicks

Central Divison
1) Detroit Pistons**
2) Cleveland Cavaliers*
3) Chicago Bulls*
4) Indiana Pacers
5) Milwakee Bucks

Southeast Division
1) Orlando Magic**
2) Washington Wizards*
3) Atlanta Hawks
4) Charlotte Bobcats
5) Miami Heat


Northwest Division
1) Denver Nuggets**
2) Utah Jazz*
3) Portland Trailblazers
4) Seattle Supersonics
5) Minnesota Timberwolves

Pacific Division
1) Phoenix Suns**
2) L.A. Lakers*
3) Golden State Warriors*
4) Sacramento Kings
5) L.A. Clippers

Southwest Division
1) Dallas Mavericks**
2) New Orleans Hornets*
3) San Antonio Spurs*
4) Houston Rockets
5) Memphis Grizzlies

Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant
MVP: Kevin Garnett
Coach of the Year: Byron Scott

Zombies Can Dunk Copyright 2009