"Isiah has to start me! I've got so much sh** on Isiah and he knows it! He thinks he can fu** me! But I'll fu** him first! You have no idea what I know!"
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Hornets forward Julian Wright sets the bar rather high right from the get-go:
Delonte West goofing off in practice. Now we know where that mark on his face comes from:
A classic. Not an NBA player, but I say it's only a matter of time before the Knicks call with a contract:
And finally, a beautiful montage to the art of the horrifically missed dunk attempt:
It's sad that the missed dunk cannot be worth more than 0 points. The bruised ego scores with us all.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
With PJ slapping some green on his chest (Is that sexual? Perhaps a stripper reference? I have no idea at this point), it is more obvious than ever that he was just waiting to see who would be in definite playoff contention so he could get in for the glory. With the Western Conference being such a crapshoot given all of the good teams, the Celtics are the closest thing to a surefire playoff ticket. At this rate it's only a matter of time before we see Dan Marino and Don Mattingly join the Boston Celtics to get that elusive championship ring.
Crazy to think that most Celtics fans, now hooting and holering around the town about how good their team is, looked like this just last season:
Ah well, at least there's room for more Dolan and Isiah paper bags.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tracy McGrady is most likely right now playing softball in his home with increased intensity, hoping to avoid depression and Stephen A, who is banging on his door right now looking for another ludicrous quote.
The top three teams that covet this escapee from a genetic engineering lab while also possessing the most money to offer are Boston, Dallas, and Denver. While Dallas has the most money to offer, Boston could offer the most playing time. My hopes and dreams will come true if Cassell is reunited with George Karl in Denver, which is comparable to throwing a match onto gasoline that's covering Gary Busey in a public library.
That's all I got, so here's some more pictures of this freak-a-zoid.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
UPDATE: Wow...No Country and random The Bourne Ultimatum wins ruined my picks (and those of lot of other people in my pool). The only thing I seemed to predict correctly was that Jon Stewart would suck as host. My keen ability to predict who will annoy me stays intact.
I just got back from a weekend trip to Atlantic City, $50 lighter in the wallet but richer in stories. While on my trip I ate like a king, drank like Sinatra, and apparently sleepwalked (this is yet to be confirmed with photographic evidence). The highlight for me was when I saw Arizona Cardinals QB Matt Leinart with his knockout (and I do mean knockout) girlfriend outside of a comedy club at the Borgata. I walked up to him and said, "Hey Kurt. I love what you're doing with the team". He gave me an annoyed look and walked away. He looked exactly like this, except he was unshaven and had shorter hair:
His girlfriend giggled so I consider it a victory.
This talk of entertainment and greed brings us to this year's Oscars. I know, you're probably wondering what Oscar picks are doing on a basketball website. To this I reply with the fact that lately Oscar parties are filling that void between Super Bowl and NBA Finals parties, so Oscar pools have become big business for gamblers. If you're like me, you're settling in to watch them with a bunch of buds and have some cold hard cash in an Oscar pool. You will need this cash to later bet on the NBA Finals, so victory tonight is crucial.
...Hey, I didn't say it was perfect logic, but if I can help a few thousand readers win some money by telling them who will win best animated feature, so be it.
Without any further ado, here are my Oscar picks for this year. I will update this list afterwards with any incorrect answers in "There Will Be Blood" RED.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
So far, not so much...
While his scoring average has dropped slightly, it is consistent with his career numbers. The big knock against him: he hasn't shot this poorly since his rookie year yet, he's jacking up a league-high 6.9 threes a game and shooting 2 less free-throws a game.
Enter the Holy Turk. Despite uncertainty of his role on the team or if he'd even make it through the season without getting traded, Hedo Turkoglu is averaging career highs in points, rebounds, assists, and free-throws attempted. He's emerged as the team's best facilitator in the half-court offense while proving he's the most clutch player on the team when the game's outcome hangs in the balance.
Unfortunately, he's reminding those optimists from the pre-season that Lewis isn't a spring chicken anymore and that he will never become a player worthy of wearing the title of superstar. In fact, he fits more closely into the category of good player on a bad team if anything. I don't want to rain on the parade of those who've fallen in love with Howard and the Magic, but Lewis's massive contract will prove to be a major roadblock in the road to a championship for the next 5 years. With Lewis clogging up the salary cap, can you really expect this team to make it to the finals, much less put up a decent fight against any power from the West? Because that's what this is all about at this point.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Like Ruben Studdard's recording contract, this deal is minimal, but has some sort of impact for someone somewhere. Elson and Barry's deals are expiring, so the Sonics are getting significant cap room for offseason dealings, and coupled with the trade exemption cash they got for Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis they should do well with that. But really, the deal gets done mainly for San Antonio's 2009 first round pick. I get that Seattle's blowing it up, but are you hoping that you can get a guy who can come in and play now with a super late first round pick? I know a boy can dream but damn Sam Presti, that's some dream. The only feasible explanation I can see for them being excited about a pick like that is the ability to deal it somewhere else; they have 2 picks in the first round for the next 3 years, which is more than enough to make some selections as well as have some nice trade bait.
Thomas should see plenty of playing time with San Antonio, he fits right in with that veteran/journeyman mentality that seems to work so well with the Spurs (Michael Finley, Robert Horry, Jacque Vaughn, Damon Stoudamire, Bruce Bowen, damn who on your team isn't old!?!?!), he'll compete with Fabricio Oberto for the starting job (yes he may start), and will easily be able to contribute and help them win now. How much I'm not sure, but there were plenty of teams that were taking a good look at Kurt Thomas for themselves, so the rich get richer while Durant shoots more. Next stop Oklahoma City!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I will use this photo above to point out one of my favorite things in the NBA ever: A little thing I like to call "The Boris Diaw Face". A while ago, I pointed out to my friends that Boris Diaw always looks like he is giving a girl the "You know you want me" face in all of his profile photos. We have since used this expression in social settings numerous times:
Me: How did last night at the club go?
Friend: Not good. I was giving girls "The Boris Diaw Face" all night and STILL nothing!
Me: I guess it's time to start dating farm animals then, my friend. That move is unstoppable.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
2) Toronto Raptors* (Never bet against foreigners)
3) New Jersey Nets (I should have seen Vinsanity on this roster and ran)
4) New York Knicks (Isiah is making this prediction tough to keep)
5) Philadelphia 76ers (Anyone's guess what this team will do)
3) Chicago Bulls* (The team that ruined everyone's predictions. Congrats, Hinrich!)
4) Milwakee Bucks (A talented roster of weirdos. Redd will help win them more.)
5) Indiana Pacers (Diener is the only entertainment here, folks.)
3) Atlanta Hawks* (The young talent finally gelled. Did not see this coming)
4) Charlotte Bobcats (Oh if only Morrison was healthy!...haha, yeah right)
5) Miami Heat (Everyone knew they'd be bad...but THIS bad?!)
3) Portland Trailblazers (Oden will make this team elite)
4) Seattle Supersonics (Oklahoma City Supersonics...that's a long name)
5) Minnesota Timberwolves (McHale is still employed. Miracles exist, people)
2) Golden State Warriors* (Yes, I still like the Warriors. I'm not crazy)
3) L.A. Lakers* (Kobe's pinkie worries me. I once broke my pinkie toe. Owie!)
4) Sacramento Kings (Artest should be shipped any day now)
5) L.A. Clippers (Back where they were all those years)
2) Houston Rockets* (Surprise! I still like the Rockets, winners of 8 straight)
3) San Antonio Spurs* (This team will be in the playoffs until we're long dead)
4) New Orleans Hornets* (This team surprised, but I can see them stumbling)
5) Memphis Grizzlies (Firesale time! ...AGAIN!)
Sorry guys, it's not a post about that hot piece Valeria Golino, nor is it about her sexy counterpart Charlie Sheen, sorry ladies, but alas, it is not 1993, and there's no longer a Kelly Kapowski poster on my wall, BUT IT'S MY NBA SECOND HALF PREDICTIONS OH YEAAAAAAH!!!!
G.L. Rawx's Predicted Standings, Awards, and Random Stuff:
**Denotes Division Winner, *Denotes playoff team
2) Cleveland Cavaliers*
5) Milwaukee Bucks
Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant
I don't see how anyone could state otherwise. His 19.4 points with 4.1 boards, 2.3 assists, and 1.1 blocks in 33 minutes a game are pretty strong, with the closest to him being Al Horford with a decent 9 point 10 board average.
Most Improved Player: Jose Calderon
'06-'07 Stats: 8.7 PPG, 5.0/1.4 APG/TOPG, 52% FG
'07-'08 Stats: 12.9 PPG, 8.9/1.6 APG/TOPG, 55% FG
That assist to turnover ratio is RETARDED.
MVP: Kobe Bryant
Kobe's game is evolving again, and now that he passes the ball people will notice his all around play, and remember that even with what he does with the ball, he still plays fantastic defense.
Coach of the Year: Doc Rivers
The Celtics are really just that good. I don't think they lose 15 games, and anyone who can coach those 3 guys and keep them all happy deserves to be recognized. Plus when Rajon Rondo is playing GOOD basketball, someone must be applauded.
NBA Finals Outcome: L.A. Lakers over Boston
The Howeva Files was created at what some would call "The 11th hour" of the NBA offseason, leaving precious little time for us to preview what we think will happen this year...Still, we have a responsibility to you, our loyal readers, to pick what we think will happen to the NBA teams this upcoming season...even if it's thrown together at the last second and would probably get a D- as a grade in school.Sadly, this was the best prediction we made back in October. In fact, we did get D minuses and are now kicked out of community college. Now that we've got nothing better to do, you can bet your kids' college funds on these well-researched predictions.
Anubis Taylor's Predicted Standings, Awards, and Random Stuff:
**Denotes Division Winner, *Denotes playoff team
1) Boston Celtics**
2) Toronto Raptors*
3) Philadelphia 76ers*
4) New Jersey Nets
5) New York Knicks
1) Detroit Pistons**
2) Cleveland Cavaliers*
3) Chicago Bulls*
4) Indiana Pacers
5) Milwakee Bucks
1) Orlando Magic**
2) Washington Wizards*
3) Atlanta Hawks
4) Charlotte Bobcats
5) Miami Heat
1) Denver Nuggets**
2) Utah Jazz*
3) Portland Trailblazers
4) Seattle Supersonics
5) Minnesota Timberwolves
1) Phoenix Suns**
2) L.A. Lakers*
3) Golden State Warriors*
4) Sacramento Kings
5) L.A. Clippers
1) Dallas Mavericks**
2) New Orleans Hornets*
3) San Antonio Spurs*
4) Houston Rockets
5) Memphis Grizzlies
Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant
MVP: Kevin Garnett
Coach of the Year: Byron Scott
NBA Finals Outcome: DALLAS OVER CLEVELAND