Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
My addiction is celebrity lookalikes.
Coming across this on Youtube, I couldn't help but giggle and watch it roughly 50 times. Enjoy.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Much respect to the therapup.uproxx.com for the morphs...simply amazing. Follow the link if you want to see more of "if Wu Tang Clan members were cast, personality and looks-wise, by NBA players"
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Chris Dudley To Run For Governor Of Oregon On Platform Of Chest Hair, Fouling Out and Poor Free Throw Shooting
BRISTOL, Connecticut - At the offices of ESPN, talking heads have been droning nonstop about the Halladay for Lee deal in baseball. Words have been tossed around like "historic", "breath-taking" and "explosive" to describe the trade that would exchange Cy Young Award winners. Peter Gammons ripped his own face off to show how something even as big as an old man ripping his own face off would pale in comparison to how incredible a trade this was.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
I know NOTHING about hockey since the Whalers left when I was too young to notice, so this is what you get from me for our first hockey post: Randy Moller goal calls. He's the radio announcer for the Florida Panthers, which is not something that one should brag about, but he immediately follows the amazing Dan LeBatard Show With Stugotz from which he takes suggestions on what to scream during goal calls to excite an otherwise bored fan base in Miami. I'm going to shut up now and let you enjoy...
OAKLAND, California - After the Raiders 34-13 loss to the Redskins yesterday, Tom Cable, noted already under investigation by the league for alleged physical abuse against former Raiders assistant Randy Hanson and mistreatment of his wives, beat the living crap out of himself.
Friday, December 11, 2009
PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania - The Steelers suffered a crushing blow to their playoff chances from the Cleveland Browns last evening, losing by the baseball score of 13-6.
Despite this loss, and likely end to playoff talk in Pittsburgh, Hines Ward has courageously maintained he will remain an obnoxious jackass.
"This team thrives on my ability to call out our QB who has won two Super Bowls, give the opposing team bulletin board material, and produce illegal hits that shifts negative media attention to us. Just because we are likely eliminated from the playoffs, who am I to stop producing in that way for our team?", said Ward on Friday. "Being an asshole is in my DNA. It has been since that first kid on the playground made that asian chopstick joke at me and I kicked his ass. I don't plan to stop now." Ward then spit on a 7-year old girl that happened to be wearing the color brown.
Tomlin praised Ward's resilience: "Speaking as someone that simply inherited a Super Bowl team that Bill Cowher built, and have subsequently crashed into the rocks, I feel a kinship with others that talk with a sense of entitlement and cockiness. Ward's ability to be a dick cannot be replaced on this team." Tomlin then punched the 10th person who had asked for his autograph as actor Omar Epps during the Q & A session.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
The plan went into action during last night's game against the Nuggets:
The hope is that after making enough of these shots, David Stern and the league will eventually make the full-court shot a 10-point shot...which the 76ers will already be masters of.
Monday, December 7, 2009
MIAMI, Florida - Tom Brady and the New England Patriots lost to the Miami Dolphins by the narrowest of margins yesterday, keeping the "throwback" theme of this year's team on track.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Searching the internet idly for photos of Kyle Orton downing bottles of Jack in college, Peter Farrelly came across a photo of Miami Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne with two ladies on each arm. The photo said "ladies man". The photo said "stud".
The photo also said, "The name's Christmas...Lloyd Christmas".
Negotiations with the soft-spoken quarterback are already underway, and with Jeff Daniels and Lauren Holly already locked up the directing duo plans to begin shooting as early as January 2010.
Reached for comment about the role, Henne spoke to reporters with excitement. "The chance to play a character loved by millions is a dream come true. I've got the mannerisms down, and I'm working on on Carrey's trademark delivery of the line "I like it a-lot" in the first movie. All I need at this point is a chipped tooth...we play the Patriots this week and my offensive line is banged up, so I've got that covered."
New Line Cinema has already released a promotional image for sequel:
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Lots of new stuff to discuss!
First and foremost, we created a brand new site entitled "ZOMBIES CAN DUNK. COM"!
ZCD is related to all sports, not just basketball, and is more for our goofy sides regarding sports writing. It also will have live Twitter updates, reader contests, and be updated extremely often. Yippee!
The Howeva Files also got a revamp, with a new logo, new text fonts, and new sponsors. We will still be bringing you that irreverent and pointless basketball news humor that you have grown to know and love. We will also get Ron Artest drunk and writing for us sometime soon we hope.
Thus, now you poor bastards have twice the drivel to sift through. Your welcome!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
EAST RUTHERFORD, New Jersey - Interim New Jersey Nets coach and part-time Metro-North conductor, Tom Barrise, was required to phone in the box score to the local papers this evening after the franchise lost its NBA-record 18th straight game to start its season since no one besides the participants actually witnessed the game.
"We're hoping that adding the blinding star power of Kiki Vandeweghe to our bench and a new line of flashy suits for Eduardo Najera will bring the fans out on Friday night," sighed Barrise. "Seriously...it was so empty tonight that Brook Lopez took a charge in the 2nd quarter and he didn't even make a noise. Hopefully I'll be here next year when our new owner will shower us with Russian hookers."
BALTIMORE, Maryland - Mel Kiper, useful to the general public for a few days in April during the NFL draft, is currently at the height of his uselessness.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Said roommate confirmed that the person in the picture below is the lucky athlete (HAHAHAHA...sorry couldn't keep a straight face while calling a golfer an athlete). Tiger Woods? Never heard of him. I bet he's a better Atari player than golfer since every other picture on Google has him wearing a hat with the ship from Yars' Revenge. You can find the whole VD-covered story here. Time to go back to celebrating...WHO DAT?!?!?! WHO DAT?!?!?!?!
PARIS, France - In the wake of his firing from the University of Notre Dame, who finished this past season 6-6, several sources are reporting that Charlie Weis will board a private jet to France to sign a lucrative deal with clergy officials to be their bell-ringer through 2013.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
"Our time off the air gave both Ralph and I some time to reflect upon why we were suspended and we realized that we were not being honest enough during our telecasts," explained Smith. "We are 100% convinced that Hamed Hadaddi is a freedom-hating terrorist who single-handedly planned 9/11."
Upping the ante, Lawler added, "He also rapes kittens, didn't like The Dark Knight and finds Kirsten Dunst attractive. We will not stop until the world knows the truth!"
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Every so often, a story comes along in the NBA that actually requires little to no input from me. The story just comments on itself.
Monday, October 19, 2009
No that is not Boris Diaw above, but what an absolutely AMAZING photo.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Howdy, howdy, howdy. Above is a pic from the fjords in Norway. Yours truly is still on a whirlwind trip for business, making stops in Norway, Cannes, and London. THF will be back in full force upon my return in around a week, so stay tuned. There is a lot of excitement afoot, with a site redesign in the works, new developments, and way, way more in the way of cheerleader pics (which trumps everything else, frankly). I'll think of you all fondly as I cruise the fjords of Norway, battling vikings and trolls.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Mark Cuban came out today and spoke about the Shawn Marion acquisition. Whenever Mark Cuban speaks it is like an antagonistic pile of slop that is nonetheless extremely entertaining. -Something he got from Donald Trump and gave to Spencer Pratt (it's like an asshole family tree). I can't even imagine working my entire life, training day in and day out, only to have some fat pile of parted-haired poo criticize me while he gets turned down by Hooters waitresses.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Note: A week from today I am going to Norway for business, so I will cram as much fun into this week as possible before I am inevitably sliced in half by vikings.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I, personally, will wait to purchase the "Mellow Yellow" alternate jersey.
This is just the latest in a long line of gimmicks the Nets are chucking out there to get ANYONE to watch a team that lists Devin Harris, Courtney Lee, and Brook Lopez as its biggest stars. I don't know about you, but I am SUPER excited to see what they do next. Zombie Drazen Petrovic Theme Night can't be far off (too soon?)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Just when you thought the Nets were going to sink even lower, perhaps by putting Yinka Dare's jersey in the rafters, news comes that makes it even sadder: The Nets announced that they will offer packages next year that give out jerseys for PLAYERS ON OPPOSING TEAMS.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Seriously, I can't imagine living in a world where Magliore is an All Star, and yet I do. We all do.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
This is why I prefer to fill this blank void of anti-NBA existence with silly videos and pictures of cheerleaders. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are both!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Yes, that's right. J-Will signed with the Magic. The Magic, as you know, play in Orlando, a town so incredibly goofy and glitzy that it could be just the thing to awaken that old player Jason was on the Kings. -NOT the schlub Hubie Brown tamed into being, you know, a "good player", but the guy who was worth paying the price of admission to just play streetball and goof off. Sure, his passes often rocketed into the stands, costing his team valuable points during 4-on-1 fast breaks, but goddamn it he was fun to watch. If the Magic do wind up using him as a 3rd string PG, he BETTER be entertaining, because he isn't worth playing much otherwise.
Welcome back from retirement J-Will. Now it's time to un-retire the bounce-off-the-elbow pass.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Considering that Wafer will be making more than 600% than he made last year and will be in Greece instead of crappy NBA cities like Charlotte, Minnesota or Oklahoma City, I am overcome with envy followed by relief knowing that at least I don't have to pretend to not be staring at Josh Childress' nasty teeth.
And as for Kleiza (seen here smoking an invisible cigarette)? I'm more sad to see him go for the soul reason that he played, like Ginobili early in his NBA career, in a manner that said he had no idea that he wasn't the best player on his own team.
Seeing Shaq call out Beckham at the end was just icing on the cake. The guy just does not give a crap about who likes him and who doesn't. We could all learn a thing or two about life from the star of "Kazaam".
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
So NBA Live 10, the underdog in our little "Do we get NBA Live 10 or NBA 2k10" contest this year, somewhat impressed me with a video where they show the important little things they improved this year that may go otherwise unnoticed. As they say, "It's all in the details". These same people also say, "The devil is in the details", so now you know why I kick anyone's ass that owns a "dictionary of idioms". Bastards.
Since I am getting this for a PSP, I will likely hurt my eyeball pressing it against the tiny screen to notice something as tiny as a "player-specific crossover move", but it warms my tiny, tiny, roast beast-eating heart to know it's there. More to come on this gaming battle. This is far from over.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I don't know how you can live with yourself, woman.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Kobe Bryant. The same Kobe Bryant that single-handedly (okay Trevor Ariza and Gasol helped a tad) beat my Orlando Magic in the finals this past year. The same Kobe Bryant that used "I like to have extremely rough sex in which I choke girls behind my wife's back" as his DEFENSE in a court case.
Because this cover is so mighty, the whole thing doesn't even fit on this site. In it, Dwight Howard is saying, "This cover is so amazing, I'm going to go offscreen and make myself a sandwich."
Sheesh. Could they have made it harder? Perhaps if NBA Live 10 put Megan Fox in an Orlando Magic jersey, surfing on a surfboard and blowing away zombies, while NBA 2k10 put the faces of every ex-girlfriend I've had.
This whole thing will take some thought, and reviews from you guys will be crucial. In the meantime I will drink heavily and daydream of the aforementioned NBA Live 10 cover that I just designed.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Well, that plan backfired up his poop chute today when he tried to acquire P2P.com, which had been hacked and stolen from its original owner. Had Madsen not been jumping up and down and waving a yellow towel, he probably would have noticed something wrong when he bought the rights to the site on EBAY instead of doing silly things like signing a legally-binding contract. Note to Madsen: Don't invest your life savings in an email from a little-known prince from a small country who just needs your help to make it to America and bequeath his riches on to you. Give all that money directly to me and save time.
To just add more dirt onto the grave, here is Mark Madsen dancing on loop for 4 minutes straight. Oh the humanity!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
You can tell Vince Carter NEVER expected to be featured again in a video game commercial. There is still time before this title comes out, but unless EA sports finally answers my prayers and comes out with a game called "Run From The Altar: The Richard Jefferson Game", looks like I'm getting NBA Live this year. Reviews to follow.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Maybe the reason he isn't interviewed more is his COMPLETE INABILITY TO LOOK AT THE PERSON INTERVIEWING HIM!
Come ON, Matt. I'm sure you saw somewhere that it looked cool to look off while you got interviewed, but this is just silly. It would have been great for the cameraman and interviewer to walk away after a question and just leave Matt talking to himself and looking off.
Monday, July 20, 2009
So, to my surprise, I was shocked to find something that was a bit off in Deveney's latest NBA article. I flicked the pee off of my shoes and examined closer. The article was about looking forward to next season, and ranking the teams from top to bottom ridiculously early.
I've attached the top 4 teams. See if there is something that looks a bit off to you:
Sporting News Early 2009-2010 NBA Rankings:
The Wizards? Surely this had to be a misprint. I went online to SportingNews.com and checked. The online power rankings from indeed told a different story:
This isn't AS batshit insane as the previous ranking, but still is solidly under the "batshit insane" monicker. The #3 spot in this article had to be some sort of fan write-in promotion. Add the fact that TheSportingNews.com spelled Sean's name wrong (Shawn...what were they THINKING?!) and you have what can only be described as "the complete and utter destruction of credibility". Feel free to disagree with me. I can only assume the homeless guy peeing on my shoes is a Wizards fan. He does sorta look like Flip Saunders.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I keep hearing from people that Richard Jefferson is a jerk in nice guy clothing. There have been more than a few articles over the year saying the guy is a prima donna whiner who pisses off everyone in his locker room. RJ has mastered the art of politics though, often appearing on talk shows with an "aw shucks" demeanor. F that.
The would-be bride was stunned, but "not entirely caught off-guard" by Jefferson's unsportsmanlike conduct, according to a family friend.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
I love how stoned-looking Marion is in that picture.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sheed, perhaps the least likeable player in the NBA since Kobe matured, is off to the team that many can argue is the least likeable team at the moment. Yes, "Sir White Hair Spot" is off to Boston, giving them this ridiculous starting 5:
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I'm not a Blazer, I'm a gangsta.
PS: I think both players would be happy with their new homes. Q was going to be on a bad team anyway, but now he can lounge on the beach and bring back the double-fisted head bump to LA. And for Z-Bo? Well, Memphis will have all the ribs that he can shove down his fat face!