Monday, August 31, 2009

The Nets Just Hit A New Low

Just when you thought the Nets were going to sink even lower, perhaps by putting Yinka Dare's jersey in the rafters, news comes that makes it even sadder:  The Nets announced that they will offer packages next year that give out jerseys for PLAYERS ON OPPOSING TEAMS.

Yep, that's right.  As if the Nets had anything but purple #24  jerseys in the stands when they played the Lakers anyway, now the folks in the purple jerseys got them from the Nets staff.  As a rabid fan of my teams, and especially the jerseys and logos that represent them, this is nothing less than unconditional surrender on the part of the Nets' marketing team.  They know there is nothing bringing these fans to the stadium except a cheaper way than MSG to see Lebron and Kobe.  Even the Grizzlies and Bucks must look at this and shake their heads, and they're one more losing season away from "sleep with the team dancer of your choice" to sell tickets.

The best part is that the Izod center, where the Nets play, is filled with gigantic photos everywhere of Skiers wearing Izod clothes.  Now you have a home basketball game, filled with visitor's jerseys, in a stadium featuring another sport entirely.  Amazing!

For shame, Nets management...for shame.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Anyone Can Be An All Star

Feeling down because you'll never amount to a pile of beans?  Well pick yourself the hell up, because every dog has its day!  Need some evidence?  Look no further than this amusing video of some of the worst players to be NBA All Stars in recent years:

Seriously, I can't imagine living in a world where Magliore is an All Star, and yet I do. We all do.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Offseason Means Videos and Cheerleaders And Sometimes Both

Offseasons are slow news-wise, especially in the NBA. In the NFL and MLB, stories like "Brett Favre still an asshole" are front page stories. The best I could do today is multiple news outlets saying "Ramon Sessions maybe not going to the Knicks. Who knows?"

This is why I prefer to fill this blank void of anti-NBA existence with silly videos and pictures of cheerleaders. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are both!

Monday, August 24, 2009

J-Will Cometh...Backeth From Retirementeth

Just got back from Key West, where I had no internet (just drinks and ladies wearing very, very little) so glancing at the very first news to grace my eyes I was entertained. The Magic signed someone whose antics I have loved for a very long time:

Yes, that's right. J-Will signed with the Magic. The Magic, as you know, play in Orlando, a town so incredibly goofy and glitzy that it could be just the thing to awaken that old player Jason was on the Kings. -NOT the schlub Hubie Brown tamed into being, you know, a "good player", but the guy who was worth paying the price of admission to just play streetball and goof off. Sure, his passes often rocketed into the stands, costing his team valuable points during 4-on-1 fast breaks, but goddamn it he was fun to watch. If the Magic do wind up using him as a 3rd string PG, he BETTER be entertaining, because he isn't worth playing much otherwise.

Welcome back from retirement J-Will. Now it's time to un-retire the bounce-off-the-elbow pass.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Olympiakos Is Pissing Me Off

It was only just last week that I thought to myself how highly effective bench players, Linas Kleiza and Von Wafer (who's crotch is being whistled at by Sasha here), were yet unsigned and likely to not cash in on as much money as they probably hoped. But of course, I had not considered that the Greek team, Olympiakos, has been lusting after NBA sixth-man talent like dorks at Comic-Con for the chance to stand next to the bike from Tron (which in retrospect is a horrible movie by the way. It's similar to how you remember Johnny Quest to be a cool show but then watch an episode now and realize it's crap).

Considering that Wafer will be making more than 600% than he made last year and will be in Greece instead of crappy NBA cities like Charlotte, Minnesota or Oklahoma City, I am overcome with envy followed by relief knowing that at least I don't have to pretend to not be staring at Josh Childress' nasty teeth.

And as for Kleiza (seen here smoking an invisible cigarette)? I'm more sad to see him go for the soul reason that he played, like Ginobili early in his NBA career, in a manner that said he had no idea that he wasn't the best player on his own team.

Where Would We Be Without Shaq?

Honestly, when the sports world enters a lull, you can always count on Shaq to liven it up. There is NOTHING happening in the world of sport today outside of baseball players pretending to act like they are badasses while they wear skin-tight pants and run approximately 4 times a game. Enter the Big Aristotle to read all of our minds and challenge the best of the aforementioned quasi-sport:

Seeing Shaq call out Beckham at the end was just icing on the cake. The guy just does not give a crap about who likes him and who doesn't. We could all learn a thing or two about life from the star of "Kazaam".

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


No big NBA news now for something completely different...

Monday, August 10, 2009

What Game To Get 2010: Checking Out NBA Live's Deets

Though I am a big guy (6 foot 5, muscles composed of titanium alloy), I have a profound respect for the little things in life. For instance, I like tiny dogs more than big ones. I liked micro machines as a kid. I have a tiny heart that is 7 sizes too small, perfect for demolishing whoville citizens. I also like the song "Little L" by Jamiroquoi (but NOT enough to actually take the time to look up how his name is spelled).

So NBA Live 10, the underdog in our little "Do we get NBA Live 10 or NBA 2k10" contest this year, somewhat impressed me with a video where they show the important little things they improved this year that may go otherwise unnoticed. As they say, "It's all in the details". These same people also say, "The devil is in the details", so now you know why I kick anyone's ass that owns a "dictionary of idioms". Bastards.

Since I am getting this for a PSP, I will likely hurt my eyeball pressing it against the tiny screen to notice something as tiny as a "player-specific crossover move", but it warms my tiny, tiny, roast beast-eating heart to know it's there. More to come on this gaming battle. This is far from over.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Someone Kill This Woman

One of the few joys a guy in a committed relationship can enjoy is staring wide-eyed at NBA cheerleaders.  Check out this evil nazi girlfriend:

I don't know how you can live with yourself, woman.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Ugh, I Knew This Wouldn't Be Easy

As quickly as I had decided to finally get NBA Live 10, I heard that NBA 2K10 (widely considered to be a vastly superior NBA gaming franchise) was finally going to be released for the PSP. The PSP, dear reader, is the retardedly backwards gaming system I frequent because I travel a lot.

Well, there ya go. Decision made. Done and done.

Then, a reader sent me this image of the NBA 2K10 cover this year:

Kobe Bryant. The same Kobe Bryant that single-handedly (okay Trevor Ariza and Gasol helped a tad) beat my Orlando Magic in the finals this past year. The same Kobe Bryant that used "I like to have extremely rough sex in which I choke girls behind my wife's back" as his DEFENSE in a court case.

To further complicate things, here is the NBA Live 10 cover:

Because this cover is so mighty, the whole thing doesn't even fit on this site. In it, Dwight Howard is saying, "This cover is so amazing, I'm going to go offscreen and make myself a sandwich."

Sheesh. Could they have made it harder? Perhaps if NBA Live 10 put Megan Fox in an Orlando Magic jersey, surfing on a surfboard and blowing away zombies, while NBA 2k10 put the faces of every ex-girlfriend I've had.

This whole thing will take some thought, and reviews from you guys will be crucial. In the meantime I will drink heavily and daydream of the aforementioned NBA Live 10 cover that I just designed.

Monday, August 3, 2009

2P Or Not 2P: That Is The Question, Mark Madsen

Mark Madsen, the insanely annoying rah-rah bench player on those championship Lakers teams we all hated, is a moron. -This we know. What we didn't know until recently was that he is a high-stakes purchaser of online sites, gambling that they will become big and he will reap the benefits.

Well, that plan backfired up his poop chute today when he tried to acquire, which had been hacked and stolen from its original owner. Had Madsen not been jumping up and down and waving a yellow towel, he probably would have noticed something wrong when he bought the rights to the site on EBAY instead of doing silly things like signing a legally-binding contract. Note to Madsen: Don't invest your life savings in an email from a little-known prince from a small country who just needs your help to make it to America and bequeath his riches on to you. Give all that money directly to me and save time.

To just add more dirt onto the grave, here is Mark Madsen dancing on loop for 4 minutes straight. Oh the humanity!


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