Monday, January 31, 2011

Jay Cutler Blah Blah Blah Jay Cutler Blah Blah Blah


One of those Monday mornings where everyone seems to have a frown on their face. There is no reason to be unhappy as long as there are signs like this around:


Anyhoo, all anyone seems to be talking about lately is Bears QB Jay Cutler letting down his team in the playoffs by not playing through the pain of a hurt knee.

Look, we all know Cutler is a jerk in real life, as his pompous personal and girlfriend-stealing abilities are legendary, but the one thing he can do is play through the pain.

I use, as my only basis whatsoever for backing up this statement, this video:




His expression upon getting hit says it all: "I have a flabby face and body." Actually, I don't know his face said that, but it is what I read.

Friday, January 28, 2011

ZCD Podcast Episode 003: "Resolutions!"


Yippee for 2011! In episode 3, Jordan and Taylor discuss what they got for Christmas, make resolutions for the new year, and play "HooAh or Hate" with Macaroni & Cheese and the news! Be sure to bring your Hawaii Chairs and creepy Rejouvenique Masks for this podcast!!!












Brand New Podcast Episode Is Coming Tonight!


Hark! Hear ye, hear ye! A brand new Zombies Can Dunk podcast is coming tonight!



Mothers, hide your daughters.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

We Need More Tracy Morgan In Sports


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Olsen Twins Pizza Song Will Infect Your Dreams


Been slow in the sports world in this week between playoff football games, so the site has had a decidedly "entertain-y" feel to it lately. I like it. Makes me feel like a man.

Here is an Olsen Twins song slowed down. It actually sounds way better than the original pile of crap, and I love that one kid who bugs out his eyes and says, "Whipped cream falls like waterfalls!!!" Warning: listen to this more than once and it will be stuck in your brain until you are forced to take a drill to your head.


Friday, January 21, 2011

Best Thing Ever: Super There Will Be Blood!


This is so awesome, it drinks all of our milkshakes.




Credit to Franklin Zitter for finding this!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Dolphins Select New Offensive Coordinator/Ruin My Life



The Miami Dolphins are a frustrating team.

Not frustrating in the, "This team gets on my nerves from time to time" sense.

Something in the realm of, "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DOING WHY THEY ARE DOING? DO THEY WANT ALL OF THE FANS TO RISE UP, RIOT, AND TAKE CONTROL OF THIS TEAM THEMSELVES?! I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE JUST TANYA HARDING-ED MY KNEES AND I'M ON THE FLOOR MOANING 'WHYYYYYYYY' LIKE NANCY KERRIGAN!!!!!" sense.

The latest in their unending wish to give me a premature death consists of hiring former Cleveland Browns Offensive Coordinator Brian Daboll. The Dolphins, you see, had one of the worst offenses in the league last year (30th out of 32 teams in points per game). There were only two teams worse, Cleveland (31st) and Carolina (32nd). Steven Ross, the unbelievably moronic owner of the Dolphins who has made the team a laughingstock by recruiting part-owners Fergie and J. Lo. and failing to lure Jim Harbaugh to coach the team, sent out a message to fans that he would bring an "electrifying offense" to this team in 2011.

Then, he parted ways with his 30th-ranked Offensive Coordinator and got the 31st-ranked one.

Yes.

I'm not making that up.

That really happened.

I want to let that sink in for a second. It's like getting rid of an employee for not showing up to work on time and replacing him with a person who lives on the other side of the planet. It's like firing a person for being too annoying and replacing them with Kathy Lee Gifford.

It's like firing someone for doing a horrible, horrible job at work, has the fans up in arms, was so universally scorned and derided that there was no choice but to "mutually part ways with the team"...and then finding one of the only two people in the entire world worse at doing it. Yeah...it's exactly like that last one.

Now, I'm a "bright side of things" type of guy. In order to put a smiley face on all of this, I am now looking forward to seeing just how far this Titanic of a team will sink. I'm taking my emotions out of the equation and grabbing a bag of popcorn to watch the horror unfold. Will their choice for Quarterback Coach be a parrot? Will they attempt to replace struggling Quarterback Chad Henne with Andy Dick? Is John Candy's corpse in any way involved with team philosophy? In my opinion, it's all gravy, because if I can't enjoy a winning team I at least want a laughably bad one. That middle ground of a 7-9, 8-8, or 9-7 record is the true purgatory, so I'm now just hoping they either sink like a stone or somehow (miracle of all miracles) are good.

So here's hoping for a successful train trip, or a spectacularly entertaining and explosive train wreck. With this hire, you can already hear the wheels sliding off the tracks.

Friday, January 14, 2011

The Least Surprising News From Last Night


Friday, January 7, 2011

This Dog Is A Badass


Note the way it totally knocks the crap out of this kid and steals his sled. I want this dog.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Nate Robinson Has Ups/Is An Idiot


I don't know how I missed this because I was watching the game, but I could watch this on loop for hours.

Here is the Celtics' Nate Robinson trying to celebrate a great play from Paul Pierce against the Knicks, only to wind up looking like one of his 1800 tries in his annual dunk contest debacle.

Big thanks to reader DJ Aphlatoon for the link.



Happy 2011 folks. I literally had to ask my wife what year it was before I wrote that.
 

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