Friday, December 9, 2011

Breaking News: The NBA Is Now Pro Wrestling

In revolting and AWESOME news, the NBA revealed its full transition from legit sport to pro wrestling league after commissioner David Stern dropped down from the rafters during a 3-team trade/loser-leaves-town match and cold-cocked New Orleans Hornets GM, Dell Demps, with a foreign object he pulled out from underneath the tarp. After going from one side of the ring to the other, cupping his hand to his ear, the newly crowned Intercontinental Champion addressed the crowd:

X-Pac! Me and my brutha, Koko B. Ware, are comin' after you, brutha! No mo' hidin'! At Summer Slam, The Birdman and I are gonna rain slaps down upon the chests of you and The Honky Tonk Man, with the power and ferocity of which no tag-team has ever done before. The XL Center in Hartford, Connecticut will be rocking! Woo!
Deputy commissioner, The Rock, and president of league operations, The Iron Sheik, earlier in the day handed down fines today in the form of The People's Elbow and The Camel Clutch to Cavs owner, Dan Gilbert, to "make him humble" after being a "candy ass" for writing another letter in crayon to the league's office.

In the bowels of the arena, the conniving manager and NJ/Brooklyn Nets owner, Mikhail Prokhorov, was seen strategizing with GM, Gold Dust, how to distract the overweight referee from noticing Gold Dust's performing his signature move, The Shattered Dreams, on weary Magic coach, Stan Van Gundy, and tampering with Dwight Howard.

Just before the telecast ended, basketball fans were shocked and amazed by the latest purchase of The Million Dollar Man, Ted Debiase. It was the one true love of Bobcats owner, Michael Jordan: Charles Oakley. Sideline reporter, Abdullah The Butcher, just silently stared into the camera.

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