Chicago? New York? Really?

Mark Stein has been all over this ride that Mike D'Antoni has taken on the coaching carousel. Given how the window of opportunity for a championship closed last year, a move out of Phoenix makes sense, but really? Chicago? New York? Does he realize that he's getting essentially the same general manager in John Paxon that he had in Phoenix and that Donnie Walsh looks like Paul Bearer (Endless thanks to The Sports Hernia for the pic)? Did he notice that he'll be giving up his ultimate tempo pusher, Steve Nash, and only getting Starbury or Kirk Hinrich in return?

Given that Don Nelson completely gave up on his team this year and that he's wavering on coming back, couldn't D'Antoni step in and provide a more consistent (aka reasonably sane/sober) presence on the Golden State bench? Baron Davis, when healthy, is a top 5 point guard and they've got a deep young bench that was left under-utilized by Nellie.

There's been no offer yet by either team since he's looking for Skiles-money, so there's still time for Chris Mullin to make up Nellie's mind for him.
(Actually, Hinrich does come complete with his hot wife [on the right], so maybe it's a lateral move after all...)

Birthday Day Off

As if I didn't have enough partying killing my liver with it being my bachelor party on Saturday, today is my birthday so I'm taking a day off the basketball writing. Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes over the email. In fitting birthday wish fashion, my favorite team the Magic won tonight over Detroit.

Happy May 7th birthday also to my seperated-at-birth brother Shawn Marion. You may have gotten the athletic ability in the family, but I got the looks.

Stan Van Gundy Takes The High Road

Yesterday Stan Van Gundy graciously said that his Magic team lost the game for themselves with turnovers, and that (despite tons and tons of evidence to the contrary) the refs did not win the game for the Pistons. Not even the refs adding more time onto the clock to help the Pistons score a three pointer could make him say any disparaging words.

Very classy indeed, Stan.

Well...that's what he told the media. I think he is more interested in not getting fined, frankly. Taking a look at him as the final buzzer sounded last night, he had some different words for the ref closest to him:

Lipreaders of the world unite!



In other news, tonight the Celtics beat the Cavs as Lebron had a cold shooting night. In math terms, 3 stars > 1, so the Cavs might have some trouble. When in doubt, consult math, kids.

Here's To Hoping For A Finals We Can Actually Watch!

'Twas a bittersweet night for NBA fans hoping for a non-boring finals this year as the Pistons won (crap) and the Spurs lost (yay). If these two teams somehow make it to the finals, David Stern officially goes on suicide watch.

With Dwight Howard's injured hand making it look like he was handling a greased turkey instead of a basketball, the Magic made it about as close as they could. Top it off with many questionable calls that went the Pistons way, as well as a bunch of late-game turnovers, and the Stan Van Gundy lucky moustache can only go so far. Flip "Sleepy Dwarf" Saunders looks poised to celebrate amid yawns.

Conversely, Chris Paul is making the Hornets the feel-good story in the league right now. I correctly predicted that his piss-poor website would ruin his MVP chances, but I'll be damned if he doesn't look like the best player in the NBA nowadays. When you have two first names, there is little you can't do.

This is all just a silly precursor to what you all want to see: Zaza Pachulia giving the best speech ever!




I'm still so sad the Hawks are out. I'll get over it...I'll get over it.

Goodnight, Atlanta Hawks

A successful bachelor party (thanks Anubis Taylor) in the rear view mirror, now is as good a time as any to sniff a rose and toss it on the grave of the Atlanta Hawks. They came close to actually doing something unexpected and wonderful in this year's NBA playoffs, but fell just short...well, by 34 points, but you get the idea.

This whittles the NBA teams left down to the "elite eight" of Boston, Detroit, Orlando, Cleveland, New Orleans, San Antonio, Los Angeles, and Utah. There is no Davidson-esque longshot left, but there is still a good amount of teams that it would be fun to see win a championship (San Antonio, Detroit, and Los Angeles...don't ruin this for us).

I'd write more, but at this point my hangover is making the computer screen light an instrument of torture. Hope you all had as good a weekend as me and my liver did.

Bachelor Party Weekend Preview

I normally would write something here about Atlanta's HUGE win over the Celtics tonight to push it to the most unlikely 7th game in recent memory, but there is actually something more important to discuss:

Tomorrow night is my bachelor party...being thrown by none other than Anubis Taylor. I do not know much of what is going to happen other than:

1) The drinking will begin at appoximately 11am Saturday and end roughtly 11pm Sunday. Two days worth of liquid goodness with a slew of my best friends in the world (who hopefully won't shave my head as I sleep).

2) There will be scantily-clad women involved. When asked what profession of stripper I would prefer, I immediately said with a straight face, "no clowns."

3) The festivities will be in Atlantic City, which (from what I have picked up from going there since I was a wee child) is a land of elegance and beauty where nothing seedy takes place.

4) One of my friends, Doug, has been texting me every single day of this past week. Each text has detailed how difficult it will be for my liver and soul to recover from this upcoming weekend, likening it to the moment "when Lucifer fell from heaven".

5) Just in case the weekend isn't crazy enough, we will be bringing along a copy of the Motley Crue biography "The Dirt" for ideas. If I start snorting ants with Ozzy Osbourne, I will know where the idea came from.

6) I already know Anubis Taylor has purchased at least one "adult entertainment feature". The name of this masterpiece is "Rack In Demand".

-And that's just what I KNOW. If I survive all of this, I am sure I will be a better man for it. -Not because I will have sowed all of my wild oats and can begin my life as a married man. Rather, I like to think of it as a weekend where I just kill all of the evil brain cells in my head in one fell swoop.

Details to come. Viva Atlantic City!

The Only Logical Way To Act After Getting Your Shot Blocked

There is no worse feeling in the world than getting your shot blocked in basketball. You can get dunked on, you can get your ankles broken on a drive...heck you can even get "the clap" from a team cheerleader...but it is hard to stomach watching your ball get swatted into the stands. The only thing that comes close is an airball, and even then you can sorta giggle it off and take solace in the fact that Antoine Walker shot about 37 a game during his prime. With a blocked shot, it's like someone took a look at your shot and said, "No soup for you!" through the art of interpretive dance.

Up until now, no one could really think of any rational reaction to getting their shot blocked other than to just stare as it went out of bounds and have a tear roll down their cheek like that highway indian from those old commercials. This is why Rajon Rondo is truly a pioneer in coming up with what may be the only possible face-saving reaction to a blocked shot:

RIPPING GUY'S DAMN SHOE OFF AND CHUCKING IT!




Jolly good show, Rajon.

On a sidenote: With Detroit's slamdown of Philly tonight in game 6 (Called this series to a T!) it looks like we have another Pistons-Magic series on our hands. The Pistons always seem to get the best of the Magic, but this year I actually like the Magic to emerge victorious. I call Magic in 7 in a surprisingly tough, well fought series. Somewhere Darko is on the beach right now smoking a blunt and vaguely remembering being on these two teams.