Breaking News: The NBA Is Now Pro Wrestling

In revolting and AWESOME news, the NBA revealed its full transition from legit sport to pro wrestling league after commissioner David Stern dropped down from the rafters during a 3-team trade/loser-leaves-town match and cold-cocked New Orleans Hornets GM, Dell Demps, with a foreign object he pulled out from underneath the tarp. After going from one side of the ring to the other, cupping his hand to his ear, the newly crowned Intercontinental Champion addressed the crowd:

X-Pac! Me and my brutha, Koko B. Ware, are comin' after you, brutha! No mo' hidin'! At Summer Slam, The Birdman and I are gonna rain slaps down upon the chests of you and The Honky Tonk Man, with the power and ferocity of which no tag-team has ever done before. The XL Center in Hartford, Connecticut will be rocking! Woo!

Deputy commissioner, The Rock, and president of league operations, The Iron Sheik, earlier in the day handed down fines today in the form of The People's Elbow and The Camel Clutch to Cavs owner, Dan Gilbert, to "make him humble" after being a "candy ass" for writing another letter in crayon to the league's office.

In the bowels of the arena, the conniving manager and NJ/Brooklyn Nets owner, Mikhail Prokhorov, was seen strategizing with GM, Gold Dust, how to distract the overweight referee from noticing Gold Dust's performing his signature move, The Shattered Dreams, on weary Magic coach, Stan Van Gundy, and tampering with Dwight Howard.

Just before the telecast ended, basketball fans were shocked and amazed by the latest purchase of The Million Dollar Man, Ted Debiase. It was the one true love of Bobcats owner, Michael Jordan: Charles Oakley. Sideline reporter, Abdullah The Butcher, just silently stared into the camera.

Zombies Can Dunk...And Tweet!

While the site has been quiet for a wee bit, there is a lot of fun stuff planned for the latter part of the year, including more moronic podcasts, photos of people making fools of themselves, and more.

In the meantime, follow us on twitter here!

THEJordanGeary

And

@windupbird13831

ZCD Podcast 006: A Night Out With TNA Wrestler Christopher Daniels

In episode 6, Jordan, Taylor and Ben attend a Ring Of Honor wrestling show, and spend the rest of the night partying with TNA wrestler "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels. Chaos, wrestling injuries, and mounds and mounds of sushi ensue. Do a back flip off of the top ropes and then take a listen!!!

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Live Blogging: 2011 NBA Draft

10:22 This is the loudest applause that Adam Silver has ever gotten. And this ends the live coverage. Impressions? Minnesota still has zero idea what it's doing.

9:49 ESPN has been so far behind Twitter on their reporting. It's getting annoying.

9:40 The dog has been farting like crazy. Must not be happy with any of these picks.

9:11 Why they don't show the Isiah's a bum video from 2007 whenever the Knicks make a pick every year is beyond me.

9:01 Nice prom tux Kawhi! (Also, why is his pinky all mangled?)

8:48 What is happening with Marcus Morris' pocket square? It seems to be growing exponentially.

8:39 If you want draft coverage that's slightly less funny than me in the other internet tab, follow the Ball Don't Lie live chat.

8:23 In serious news, Ron Artest wants to change his name to Metta World Peace.

8:12 BIZ! (Fran, so you're telling me they just drafted a taller Joel Anthony with the #7 pick?)

8:04 Jonas Valanciunas: Opulence. I has it. (Kisses mini giraffe).

8:02 Just let out a big YES after this Toronto pick. I was just rooting that Kemba not get exiled to Canada.

7:59 Mark Jones seems to keep having his mic dumped. He must be swearing like crazy.

7:57 Bilas is killing me. Where's the "length" references?


7: 46 Where are the ridiculous suits? Why do they look so professional?

7:37 Kyrie is hearing all of this from the ESPN crew, yes? That seemed like a very nervous sip of water.

7:33 I love the booing. Big shout out to NJ!

7:23 Someone please find the vampire who bit Rachel Nichols before she infects the entire war room.


7:17 Zombies Can Dunk exclusive: With the first pick, the Cavs will draft Whitey Bulger because when he flees town at least no one will be pissed.

7:12 Angry contributor, Jay Breuer, makes his first contribution tonight: "Pace" is the new "length" for Jay Bilas this year.

7:11 Stuart Scott is not loud enough to make us care yet. Give him time

Otis Smith...Let's Make A Deal!

The NBA Draft is tonight! With Dwight Howard needing some help in Orlando (or else he is pulling a Shaq and RUNNING out of there), what do you think the chances are that Otis Smith, GM of the Magic, makes a move? For his job security, I'll guess 100%.

Here is an eye into the Orlando Magic Otis Smith situation room...

Not So Fast. Mr. Goalie. You Might Want To Look Behind You

This site has never written about Italian soccer, so you know something interesting happened. In the seventh division playoff between Dro and Termeno during a shootout to decide which club would win promotion, a goalie learned a valuable lesson about celebrating too early:

In case you missed it, yes that is the ball somehow defying the laws of physics to spin backwards into the goal, which the team would not have won without. Soccer gods are powerful beings.

Rampage Jackson Is Amazing

Yay for motorboating...