Every NFL Team's Fans in 90 Seconds

It's been a while since posting...so long in fact that many of you probably thought we were either enormous successes that were too big to write for this blog or dead.  The good news is that we are both.

How to explain our return if life has put up various roadblocks to us posting?  As Jeff Goldblum said in Jurassic Park, "Sometimes nature, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah finds a way."

Hey, here is a Every NFL Team's Fans in 90 seconds.  Excuse the piss poor audio quality:

 

Zombies Can Dunk's Jordan Geary To Have TV Show On NBC Sports

Been a busy couple of months between jokes about Derrick Rose's Poodini tattoo because I've been working with a slew of talented people on a television show I created and will be hosting on NBC Sports this Fall called "Out Of My League".

In Out Of My League, we take athletes and make them perform a skill they have outside of sports in front of a live audience. Mostly, it's taking self-assured athletes and ripping them out of their comfort zones.

Here is a preview of the first episode we did, starring the Phoenix Suns' Jared Dudley. After watching, you too will agree that my skin is a truly ghastly shade of white:

Despite what you think, not Everyone Has Linsanity

Never has there been a more perfect depiction of what the NBA players on the court with Jeremy Lin are thinking:

Thanks to artist Mike Scanlon.

We are Mesmerized by this Hand Shake

You thought baseball players had complex hand shakes?! It looks they're coaching each other throughout.

Jeremy Lin's Swag Is Electric

Holy crapoli. It has been a long time since I've enjoyed watching a player as much as I enjoyed watching Jeremy Lin tonight. He is like an asian Steve Nash, but with the youthful exuberance of some kid who happened to get picked out of the stands and told he was playing in the NBA tonight.

Enough words! Check out this post three-pointer-at-the-buzzer swagger, and you'll see what I mean:

Big Baby Needs a Diaper Change

In the NFL, this would get a 6 game suspension. This is why I love the NBA.

Breaking News: The NBA Is Now Pro Wrestling

In revolting and AWESOME news, the NBA revealed its full transition from legit sport to pro wrestling league after commissioner David Stern dropped down from the rafters during a 3-team trade/loser-leaves-town match and cold-cocked New Orleans Hornets GM, Dell Demps, with a foreign object he pulled out from underneath the tarp. After going from one side of the ring to the other, cupping his hand to his ear, the newly crowned Intercontinental Champion addressed the crowd:

X-Pac! Me and my brutha, Koko B. Ware, are comin' after you, brutha! No mo' hidin'! At Summer Slam, The Birdman and I are gonna rain slaps down upon the chests of you and The Honky Tonk Man, with the power and ferocity of which no tag-team has ever done before. The XL Center in Hartford, Connecticut will be rocking! Woo!

Deputy commissioner, The Rock, and president of league operations, The Iron Sheik, earlier in the day handed down fines today in the form of The People's Elbow and The Camel Clutch to Cavs owner, Dan Gilbert, to "make him humble" after being a "candy ass" for writing another letter in crayon to the league's office.

In the bowels of the arena, the conniving manager and NJ/Brooklyn Nets owner, Mikhail Prokhorov, was seen strategizing with GM, Gold Dust, how to distract the overweight referee from noticing Gold Dust's performing his signature move, The Shattered Dreams, on weary Magic coach, Stan Van Gundy, and tampering with Dwight Howard.

Just before the telecast ended, basketball fans were shocked and amazed by the latest purchase of The Million Dollar Man, Ted Debiase. It was the one true love of Bobcats owner, Michael Jordan: Charles Oakley. Sideline reporter, Abdullah The Butcher, just silently stared into the camera.