Happy Thanksgiving Hangover Day!

We here at THF hope that you and your family had a very Happy Thanksgiving.  We, obviously, took the day off to focus on giblets and why they are so damn horrendous looking.  Most people had the day off, including (to no one's surprise) this guy, so if you worked over the holiday our hearts go out to you.  You are probably breaking into your boss' car to fill it with giblets right now.

Alright, enough of pilgrims, turkeys, and hats with buckles on them (still waiting for this puritan fashion statement to come back).  Let's all take a deep breath and get ready for the real holiday season to begin:

Three thoughts: 1) I don't know what "Jingle Bell Swings" are, but I want at least two of them. 2) Mutombo's voice appears to have actually just been dubbed with the sound of a coffee bean grinder on "high" setting. 3) You can tell they chucked Luis Scola out there, had him speak, and then ran him back to his trailer while saying, "He said a sentence or two, now get him offscreen! He'll scare the children!"

Lebron James Will Make Sweet Love To You

Below is Lebron's newest Nike commercial, which is approximately 3 minutes too long for a commercial.  Still, it's pretty funny to see a superstar acting like something Billy Dee Williams would hang out with.  Note to self: Get one of those fireplaces that switches on that quickly...bringing lumber in from a shed ruins the mood.

I am a happily married man, but WOW what a wise casting choice for the "hot girl" in this video.  You can tell even Lebron is shocked and awed by how good looking she is.  If I were the Knicks, to get Lebron I would tell him "We can get you 10 lookalikes of the girl in that video you were in.  We can also make everything else in that commercial you were in come true, including creating a time machine to put you in the 70's."

Scott Brooks: Your New Skipper Of The Titanic!

The mulleted piece of man-meat pictured above is Scott Brooks, and he has just been named the new interim coach of the Oklahoma City Thunder (Kapowww). I honestly had no knowledge of Scott Brooks coming into today, which is somewhat odd as I pride myself on being a veritable encyclopedia of mulleted sports players past and present. Looking at Scott Brooks' wikipedia page doesn't reveal much either, other than the fact that in addition to the NBA he played in the CBA and the WBL (two little-known basketball leagues that nevertheless completely trump the WNBA in terms of legitimacy).

One thing that does stand out is that the CBA team he played for was named "The Albany Patroons". A "patroon" is defined as "A landholder in New Netherland who, under Dutch colonial rule, was granted proprietary and manorial rights to a large tract of land in". -The other definition is "A ship captain"...so yeah...take from that what you will. (Walks away as "The More You Know" jingle plays)

No Gimmick Is Too Crappy For The Suns

Last year, the Suns treated us to a completely ridiculous multimedia website, which I've detailed here. If completely crazy computer effects are any indication, Steve Kerr and company have not let the 08-09 season go by without flushing tons of money down the toilet in self-promotion.

This year the Suns are going with a "Planet Orange" campaign, which doesn't really make much sense to me and sorta sounds like a new Mountain Dew flavor. This comes complete with a completely silly, but nontheless entertaining video


This begs the question: How was this video pitched to Grant Hill? I can only hope it sounded like this:

Suns executive: "So just to recap, Barbosa will be made to look like the roadrunner, Shaq will do a Godzilla yell, and Nash will play with the basketball like a soccer ball. We'll even give useless Diaw some fire or something."

Hill: "What am I going to do?"

Suns executive: "You're going to run up a mountain, dressed like a dragon with a flamethrower attached to your face. We'll then need you to flex at the camera and do pelvic thrusts."

Hill: "Bullshit. I'll dunk for you and that's it." (Walks out of the room, shoving Steve Kerr as he does so.)

Stephen Jackson Is The Best

Stephen Jackson is one of my favorite players in the NBA. I don't find it particularly interesting to watch him play, and it isn't like he can lift a team with his spirit like Lebron or Chris Paul. I like Stephen Jackson because anytime you hear his name it is usually followed by something completely crazy and memorable.

Take his latest diatribe about how Rip Hamilton is weak. He doesn't necessarily attack Hamilton's game or his personality, but strikes him where it hurts most: His mask!

When Jackson was asked if he would wear anything protective after getting poked in the eye recently, he responded in typical amazing Stephen Jackson-esque fashion:

"No goggles. No, no, no. Never. I'm not going to be like Rip Hamilton, where my nose is broken eight years ago and I still wear a mask," said Jackson. "The only way I'll wear a patch is if my eye's closed. I'd rather stay with Captain Jack, not Pirate Jack."

Amazing. I want the last sentence on a corporate-style motivational poster. I give it a week or less before Captain Morgan finds a way to capitalize on this.

Colin Cowherd: THF Superfriend #2

This is Anubis Taylor and ESPN Radio's Colin Cowherd after what looks like a hard night of drinking, for Taylor especially (which it was). Whether or not his show is entertaining (it is) or you need a lobotomy to remove the part of your brain that repeats Cowherd saying Vizio over and over again in your head (I do), he is awesome for one thing above all else:

(Quote) Stephen A is a cool guy.

Nothing more needs to be said (Drop mic and exit stage right).

You Shouldn't Brag When Your Mascot Is The FTD Florist Guy

A Golden State Warrior boasting is a recipe for disaster.

People did indeed say these things, Monta Ellis, but how many of these things are now true? You aren't exactly a leader when someone can look at your Yahoo! profile and read, "Ellis is serving a 30-game suspension after sustaining a left ankle injury in an offseason moped accident." Leaders drive Harleys...followers use Segways and Mopeds.

Plus, the Warriors have come back to earth this year. They are 4-6 and already 4 games back in in their own division despite the fact that teams have only played 4 games. Honestly, there is nothing I like more than hearing a person boast egomaniacally in an ad and then watch as they fall from grace in a most spectacular fashion. Having a Golden State Warrior boast after one good year is like watching Gargamel celebrate after catching a Smurf...you know it's just going to get away from them in the end.

Now that I've said my piece, please enjoy the smooth listening sounds of someone who took the NBA on NBC song and made it sound like a video game. I love technology.