Barkley Rolling With The Magic

I haven't been this excited since, oh, let's say 1994.

The Orlando Magic are in the Finals. I feel almost confused on how to react to one of my favorite teams doing this well. Do I flip over a car? Should I throw fireworks off of my balcony at people wearing Cavs jerseys? I have no idea. What I do know is that the Magic will take on Kobe, Pau "Acne Arms" Gasol, and my former Magic boy Trevor Ariza in the NBA Finals.

Once again, out of the four TNT broadcasters, the only person to pick the Magic to win is Charles Barkley. This pleases me immensely because not only has he been right thus far, but he also works with none of the media hype that influences so many people's predictions. One could say he is the most honest-to-a-fault guy on TV. Don't believe me? Here he is from last night's broadcast, willing to say what must be said even at the expense of the censors:



Game 1 is Thursday. Until then, we'll be bathing in the championship game hype. Tonight, however, I bathe in champagne (is THAT what you do when your team does well? Oh I am so very confused.)

You Can't Keep The Clothes On Mo

When I get done with a meeting at work, I like to start stripping on my way back to my desk. First, I take off my shirt and then my pants. It's just what I do, okay? It's been a long day, I had a rough meeting, and it's time for a little naked time.

Mo's with me on this one.

So Whatever Happened on Monday?

By far my favorite parts are Faux Jerry Bus and Faux David Stern.

Refs (heart) Lebron

I'm excited for the Magic-Cavs game tonight, but also not excited at all. Why? The refs have been AWFUL in this series, and tonight is poised to be the crappiest Cavs-loving reffed game of the series. If the Cavs go down 1-3 to the Magic tonight, David Stern will shoot lasers out of his eyes and kill all of the families of the refs.

Don't believe me? Let's check out a delightful video from the previous game in the series, where I watched the refs call multiple fouls on the Magic WITH THEIR BACK TURNED TO THE PLAYER THEY WERE FOULING! In this clip, the Magic fans watch another crummy call and at the 0:45 mark, start an overwhelming chant of "Refs You Suck".



That's a rather complicated chant for a crowd so you knew they all were thinking it.

As I typed that last sentence, a whistle blew on Mickael Pietrus. Must be game time. Sigh...

Happy Memorial Day From THF

It's time to fire up those grills, sit out in the sun, and enjoy what is looking like a beautiful Memorial Day (if you happen to live in the American northeast. Yet another crappy day for you, Londoners!). I'm still beaming over the Magic win last night, and still fuming over that Lebron shot on Friday, but am ready to take a day to sit in the sun and ignore anything that can't be barbecued.

A very happy birthday as well to Anubis Taylor. I am still hungover from his birthday party on Saturday night, and partied hard enough that I don't expect to be back at 100% for another two weeks or so. Well done, my friend.

Enjoy the sunshine, folks. THF will be back tomorrow with hard-hitting basketball drivel you know and love.

Dwight Will Pump (clap) You Up

Everyone's seen Dwight Howard's dunk from last night where he tore the shot clock down, so I won't even bore you with that. What I CAN do is Tony Little your ass into becoming a shot clock-destroying mofo by showing you Dwight Howard's fitness regimine.

First off, we take a look at Dwight, a young Dwight at that, working out with what can only be described as "light weights". You can see that at this point in his career, he is working on improving his flexibility and endurance, rather than punching through skulls for practice as he does later in his career.



I want the job of that guy getting paid to hold the weight on Dwight's back while he does push ups. That guy somehow looks winded doing that.

Fast forward to him now, bench pressing in this next video. He is a monster, capable of destroying small villages. In the video, Dwight must have an absurd amount of weight on that bar because it looks like it is bending like a noodle as he lifts it up. The clip even has tips on how to do Dwight's workout at the end, minus how much he is lifting to avoid copycats who would promptly rip their shoulders out of their sockets.



And just in case you didn't have enough, here is a longer clip of Dwight doing various workouts (seriously, there are like 80 clips on the net of him doing various workouts...this guy is totally hawking Ab Rollers after he retires).



I make the same face when I do crunches.

Woot!

I try as hard as I can to stay impartial on this blog, but lord knows you all know at this point that I am a completely shameless Magic fan. Tonight's win was amazing.



Lord knows I thought the team came out stronger after beating the Lucky Charms crew, but coming back and winning after being down in a 16 point hole? Especially after THIS?!



Simply crazy. I was unable to post my predictions for the Conference finals due to being insanely busy, but before it gets too late here we go:

Cavs in 7

Lakers in 5

You KNOW the NBA wants this matchup and Stern will kill a mofo before his plans are thwarted. Still, a great game for Magic fans everywhere. I need a cold shower.