Shaq Talks Like A Movie Trailer

Seriously, what are we going to do when Shaq decides to retire? What are we going to do for hilarious, well-crafted quotes in an NBA landscape that is increasingly filled with generic post-game "We did our best against a good team" bullcrap? I have a feeling that it won't be until Shaq retires that we all look at what is left and say, "Wow...where did all of the entertainment go?"

Hold on a sec, let me step down from my soapbox.

Ah, much better.

The reason I'm writing about Shaq today stems from his awesome, Chuck-Norris-esque quotes in regards to the San Antonio Spurs playing "Hack-A-Shaq":

"The only thing I call cowardly is when you're up by 10 and do it," O'Neal told Phoenix radio station KTAR. "That's a coward move, and [Spurs' coach Gregg Popovich] knows that, and I'll make them pay for it."

You can almost picture Shaq saying this, silently walking out of the room, and putting on sunglasses as the building explodes behind him in an orgy of fire. Real people don't talk like this, which makes it all the more rare and fun. I keep waiting for the movie trailer narrator with a deep voice to hop in and say, "Rated R, now playing in select cities". I'd like to think that at some point I too will get the chance to drop badass quotes like Shaq, but instead I will likely continue to make due with my roundhouse kicks to the faces of evildoers.