Tuesday, April 21, 2009

America Curses Under Its Breath Over Boston's Narrow Victory Over The Bulls, All ESPN Analysts Orgasm Collectively

After a pair of threes by Ben Gordon, the Bulls looked like they were on their way to win number 2 in Boston. Then Ray Allen looked at the collective NBA fandom rooting against the Celtics in this year's playoffs and did this to them:

With Allen's three with two seconds left, the Bulls only had one option: Advance the ball with a quick timeout and take a well-thought-out shot. Oops, I mistyped. I meant to write that Vinny Del Negro uses up timeouts like Michael Jackson uses up Gi Joes-on-a-string and nets, so the Bulls were forced for the second straight game to chuck the ball downcourt. This was pretty deflating to watch, and KG's bizarre pursed-lip celebration only made it worse.

I don't know the exact moment that I started rooting against the Celts this year, but I am quite positive it started as a result of the massive amount of hype ESPN panelists have put on them this season. When someone hears, "Oh they're UNSTOPPABLE! The BIG THREE will cruise to another championship! I want to have BIG BABY'S CHILDREN" enough times, it just makes you hate a team. Now that the Celtics lost KG and Leon Powe for the playoffs, the sports foos are making the Celtics (A team deep and talented enough that it got Mikki Moore and Stephon Marbury for peanuts in exchange for the chance to win a championship) into some sort of "underdog". Balderdash, I say. They're also now all over Kobe and the Lakers' junk, making any analysis of that team equally tough to listen to. Screw AFLAC, my new motto that I am going to bark out for these playoffs is "ABTLAC" (Anybody But The Lakers And Celtics).

As if in response to my anti-purple and green rant, my sportsticker just let me know that the Cavs went up by 22 on the Pistons. Save us, Lebron...you're our only hope.


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