Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Attention Dwight Howard: The Nickname "Big Baby" Is Already Taken

For once, I'll actually be semi-serious in this post. It's been an incredibly crummy time to be an Orlando Magic fan.

I was heartbroken by the Magic loss last night. Actually, that is a huge understatement. I was devastated. It wasn't just a loss. For me the loss was accompanied by a few horrific realizations:
1) The Celtics have figured out how to beat the Magic, along with the rest of America: Make them take jumpshots the whole game. This is a flaw the Magic seem to be too wussy to overcome.

2) With the Celtics figuring out how to beat the Magic, this series stands a good chance of being over. The Magic squandered a 2-1 lead and now sit on the brink of elimination.

3) Hedo Turkoglu and Marcin Gortat likely won't be with the Magic next year. Right now might be the best shot the team has for a title with contract hell binding the team's future.

4) Dwight Howard's intensity level, and leadership abilities have been zilch. The guy has come as close to being invisible this playoffs as anyone could imagine, and has shown ZERO heart.

As my head was in my hands, Dwight Howard said this:

I could not believe what I was hearing. Did he not HEAR my #4 point? Dwight Howard, the same guy who was COMPLETELY shut down by Kendrick Perkins to the point of having to take crazy Ewing hook shots (and missing them BADLY), and has been a virtual mute on the court, is calling out his COACHES and his TEAM for not giving him the ball MORE?!

I nearly pooped myself.

It was as I was staring, wide-eyed at the television that the commercial with Dwight Howard came on. You know the one. He's standing by the sea, talking with Charles Barkley on a cell phone, and is pissing on Sir Charles for injuring the video game likeness of himself. It dawned on me then that this press conference evidenced what we all feared: Dwight Howard has completely lost track of reality. His hype has officially eclipsed his intered in improving his post game and his free throws. The same guy we cheered on as he used the Superman dunk to stardom had taken that cape and flown too close to the sun.

Realizing that my team had a coach that it's players hated, had a core that was about to be shredded with the departure of Turkoglu, had a self-centered superstar who looked past his failing team and only saw his pretty reflection, and a future that was locked into a ton of big contracts, I turned off the television.

At this point, I realized who was going to win the championship this year: The Cleveland Cavaliers. I know you Lakers fans are cocky as hell, but the Cavs have everything the Magic don't right now:

-A coach who the players love and believe in.

-A superstar who makes those around him better.

-A team that is filled with selfless players, including Joe Smith who is playing for the team despite not earning or playing much.

-A team that doesn't let up when they see the finish line approaching.

-A team that supports each other, like when the team rallied around Mo Williams not getting an initial All Star invite.

The Lakers are lacking in the last three categories, which is why I think they'll ultimately fall either in the Finals, or (you heard it here first) I could easily see them losing in 6 to the Nuggets.

Anyhoo, my apologies for the drawn out seriousness of this post. I'll be back to normal tomorrow, after my Orlando Magic grieving subsides.


Post a Comment

Leave us a comment, should you want to be rich and famous.


Zombies Can Dunk Copyright 2009