Monday, November 16, 2009

Bill Belichick: "Curses! Foiled AGAIN!"

FOXBORO, Massachussets - This morning, after yesterday's improbable 4th Quarter Collapse against the Colts, in which his team lost due to a poor choice to go for it on 4th-and-2 deep in his own territory, Bill Belichick responded to reporters questions in the thone room of his hidden bunker in Foxboro: "I will rise once again. As long as there is darkness to blot out the sun and the moon...I will rise again."

Delicately nibbling on the entrails of a previously vanquished foe (reporters later said it looked like the remains of Titans QB Kerry Collins), Belichick added, "These pithy NFL teams...what do they know of when to 'go for it' or punt? Do they have 3 rings? Do they have a hall-of-fame quarterback? Do they have the enchanted head of Vince Lombardi to instruct them?" Belichick then held up a bespecled head to reporters, which smiled and mouthed the words "Draft Mayo. No one will see his potential."

A shadow fell over Belichick's face, as he looked at the ground with fire in his eyes. "Peyton Manning...You win this round. You and your beautiful golden blonde locks and majestic white steeds. I shall have revenge. -Even if I have to use your younger brother against you by acquiring him when he is spit out of the Giants organization."

Belichick then pointed vigorously at the doorway, dispatching four of his henchmen. One knocked over Boston reporter Bob Ryan.

Showing his teeth, Belichick stood from his throne, and said, "Now if you excuse me gentlemen, I have a busy week ahead of me." A chuckle emenated from his lips. "Oh yes, a very busy week indeed! We have a game against our division rival, the New York Jets, this week. I have to prepare." At this moment a curtain fell, revealing a wheelbarrow of turkeys with a sign on them. The sign read, "Bribe 4 Rex Ryan". Belichick shouted in anger, putting the curtain back into place and yelling for all to leave.

Guards then prodded reporters with spears, driving them across the drawbridge and into the New England countryside.


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