Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Marlins Coghlan Excited To Find Out Which Team He'll Be Traded To

MIAMI, Florida - Yesterday Florida Marlins left fielder Chris Coghlan was named NL Rookie Of The Year. Today, he wakes with a smile on his face, wondering where he will inevitably be traded to.

"Everyone knows that any sort of accolades within the Marlins organization include an express ticket to a contender and a bloated contract", Coghlan said, winking as he piled his possessions into a moving van. "Kevin Brown, Gary Sheffield, Miguel Cabrera, Dontrelle Willis, Mike Lowell, Josh Beckett...hell, even crappy-ass Carl Pavano were immediately shipped to great organizations at the top of their divisions. I've already sold my house in Florida and plan to wait for the call."

Coghlan's hand smacked the side of the moving truck as he added, "Yippee Kiyay Mother-(expletive deleted)."

"I've even got some buddies helping me move." Coghlan pointed at Marlins second baseman Dan Uggla and ace pitcher Josh Johnson, both of whom waved weakly and will likely be sent to other teams for unknown prospects this offseason.

Looking at the sun shining, Chris Coghlan added, "It's almost a shame to say goodbye. It feels like I just got here. Ah well, it's a rule that I have to get shipped out as soon as I am good, and I will stand by it. The rule has applied to everyone before me...well, everyone except Hanley Ramirez it seems."

From his hiding spot behind a palm tree, the words stung Hanley Ramirez, a single tear finding its way down his cheek.


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