Monday, October 29, 2007

Point-Counterpoint: Blah, Blah, Kobe Bryant, Blah, Blah, Lakers, Blah

As you probably know, rumors of Lakers superstar/"basketball beats and broads" grandmaster MC, Kobe Bryant, and his unhappiness with the team's direction have continued to live on through the off-season and into the start of this year's campaign. Both Kobe and the Lakers have shown little confidence in each other despite their public statements that they'd like to work things out, which has lead to widespread speculation that a trade will occur. For months though, the Lakers have yet to deal their disgruntled franchise player and with Tuesday's opening night approaching Black and Blue Jor and Anubis Taylor decided to go Stephen A - Skip Bayless on ya ass.

Point-Counterpoint: Lakers vs. Kobe

AT: I'm going to be blunt: Kobe's getting a raw deal. He's a once-in-a-generation player that deserves to have a supporting cast that can bring him another championship, but he's being given the run around by management and ownership. How can anyone expect him to perform at the highest level if he can't trust the people around him?

B&B: KOBE BRYANT IS A VAGINA-FACE! The Lakers have given him everything he could ask for: Including the trade of Shaq and probably various mobsters to threaten Kobe's wife if she ever meddled in his "ho-doing business". Everyone gives him everything he could ask for and he still whines. Fans continue to treat him like royalty in L.A. despite the fact that he is basically shitting on their dining room tables with his actions lately. Even refs treat him like he can't do any wrong (as seen in photo, left), despite the fact that he is one of the dirtiest players in the game!

AT: Ugh. I'm so damn tired of talking about this already. Why won't anything actually happen? I don't care about Bryant one way or the other. He's simply being what playing in LA taught him to be, annoying. Say what you will about obnoxious owners like Cuban, but Jerry Buss continually gets off from being a jackass. The 73-year-old's too-frightening-to-imagine battle with Hugh Hefner to date as many 20-year-olds as possible typifies the unprofessional environment Kobe has been raised in. Ever since the Showtime era, the team and its fans have demonstrated an obnoxious attitude that puts the obtuse ignorance of Duke's Cameron Crazies to shame. Defying all logical explanation, the team takes genuine pride in that Ashton Kutcher is a fan! At this point they more than just don't think their shit doesn't stink, but that it smells like a championship.

B&B: I agree with you that the pieces on the Lakers over the years have made the team tough to stomach...if you put the cocky combo of Rick "Vanessa Williams' Bitch" Fox, Mark "Annoying Towel-Waver" Madsen, Robert "Smug Will Smith-Lookalike" Horry in front of me I would mow them down with a tommy gun like Flat-top in Dick Tracy...but Kobe's attitude just pushes them to new levels of villainy. Even most other NBA players hate Kobe, leaving his fan base as uninformed celebrities and people who like to beat the crap out of Robin Givens. If you think the fans like the Lakers over Kobe, remember the traitor who effortlessly became a Clips fan during their playoff run a few years back. At least the Lakers could be likable without Kobe now. Lamar Odom seems like a nice guy and Luke Walton is at least 7 good years away from wearing grateful dead t-shirts and hawking NBA League Pass.

AT: Jordan Farmar.

B&B: Fuck. You have a good point there. Kobe is worse, but ugh...that guy seems like a jack-off.

AT: No team this mediocre should have this much drama. If you want to avoid a VC in Toronto performance, please deal Kobe and end my misery. When you do, we'll be able to focus on the possibility that Atlanta will send out a starting lineup of PFs.

B&B: As for me, I too wouldn't mind if Kobe was dealt, but also wouldn't mind if he stayed. What I do wish for when I throw pennies into ponds? That America wises up and realizes that for all of the athletic, highlight-making abilities in the world, Kobe is a self-centered jerk who would rip the head off of children if it benefitted him in any way. Real human beings show emotion. True sadness isn't a "mock-sad" face like this, or this, or this, or especially this. If you want a great insight into how Kobe Bryant really is, unfiltered, read Phil Jackson's book "The Last Season" You'll marvel at how those teammates and coaches worked on that team without impaling him on a spike (I maintain that this is the true reason the Lakers got a guy named "Vlad" for their team).

More fun NBA stuff tomorrow, ladies and gents. Thanks for reading.


liz on October 29, 2007 at 9:25 PM said...

you said vagina face! you make sports fun! or a little fun!

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