Thursday, December 27, 2007

Bulls Fans...This Guy Is Your Coach For The Rest Of The Way!

This guy on the left is named Jim Boylan, and recently the Bulls announced that "interim coach" title aside, he would be the Bulls coach for the remainder of the 07-08 season.

For those of you confused by the fact that the Bulls are having an "interim coach" basically run a team for almost a full season, it's Bulls GM John Paxson's way of saying, "This guy could very well be our coach of the future...but man if he sucks we will cut ties with him lightning quick and might even claim we never met him".

It's a pretty dick move, but you could sorta see the logic behind it. On one hand, this guy has obviously been good enough to be an NBA assistant for over 10 years. On the other hand, this guy has been good enough to be an NBA assistant for over 10 years...with not one guy stepping in and saying that he should be considered for an NBA head coaching position. With such a lack of true confidence and head coaching recommendations, it's best to not tie your future to him right off the bat (maybe he has B.O.).

One thing I already like about him is the fact that he was a badass in his youth. At the age of 27, apparently he led a team to a championship in Switzerland as a player-coach. It's every guy's dream to have 5 seconds left in a professional basketball game, call the team into a huddle, and draw up the play with a dramatic, "Pass the ball to me...and move out the way, bitches." This guy actually did that, and THEN parlayed it into a coaching career in the NBA. Sure, people like Steve Francis try to do this too, but then their actual coach rolls his eyes and tells him to get some gatorade for the starters (and to quit playing with the Cuttino Mobley-autographed anal beads).

While the Bulls lost in his first game, it's anyone's guess how well Boylan will do over the course of a full season. For me, I prefer to use a little thing by the name of "science" and "cold, hard facts" to intelligently come to a conclusion about this man's future. I did a search on movies with characters named "Jim Boylan". In my opinion, things for the Bulls will end this season exactly how they ended in the 1938 drama "Little Tough Guy":

"When labor activist Jim Boylan is executed for a murder he didn't commit, his son Johnny decides to become a crook. He and his pals Pig, String, Sniper and Dopey, embark upon a crime spree, aided and abetted by thrill-seeking rich kid Cyril, who happens to be the son of the district attorney. While committing a robbery orchestrated by Cyril, Johnny and Pig are trapped by the police. Pig makes a break for it, only to be killed in a hail of bullets. This startling turn of events convinces Johnny to mend his ways, but not before an obligatory stretch in reform school with his fellow Little Tough Guys-including Cyril!"

~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

I can't wait to see how Ben Wallace does in the role of "Pig"...God rest his soul.


Taylor Cunningham on December 27, 2007 at 11:00 PM said...

"quit playing with the Cuttino Mobley-autographed anal beads"

Anonymous said...

Guys named "Cyril" always mess things up for everyone around them. It will be fun to see how Boylan is dramatically slayed.

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