Monday, December 31, 2007

Drunk Yet? It's New Year's Eve! Get To It!

Out with the old and in with the new, as they say ("They" being the Boston Celtics and Portland Trailblazers. Talk about a turnaround).

2008 is right around the corner and we finally say goodbye to our longtime bedmate, 2007. As far as years go, 2007 was a pretty damn good one. The Howeva Files reached new heights of readership, the NBA finally addressed what we've been saying for years about the slanted refs, and Isiah Thomas enshrined himself as the "Man of the Year" with several headlines that even statues had to chuckle at. As Sinatra would sing, right before he had sex with a groupie and sipped on some scotch, "It was a very good year."

Personally, I find it a bit hard to believe that it is already 2008. Can you believe it has almost been a decade since we rung in the year 2000 (that's right ladies...I can do math)? It seems like just yesterday we were all calling the Backstreet Boys the next big thing, voting in George Bush, and telling each other how that sock puppet dog would be around forever. Oh, what a pile of ignorant cretins we were then.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have several borderline lethal drinks and a baked brie to make before the partygoers come tonight. For all you rowdy kids, remember what they say:

"Liquor before Beer, what are ya? Queer?"
and "Beer before Liquor, give me more quicker!"

I dunno, it goes something like that.

Adios, 2007. Thanks for the memories.
To watch tonight: A little thing called the ball dropping in New York. Also, the Twilight Zone marathon is a must (just so you can later scream in a drunken fashion "To Serve Man...IT'S A COOKBOOK!" in the faces of confused partygoers).
All I need to ask is this: Who the hell is going to be buying cell phones at 8:30 in the morning on New Year's Day?!?! My first resolution will be stop involuntarily vomiting on customers and whenever I see another brilliant Jason Kidd pass slip through the greased fingers of a teammate.
Anubis' drinking guide for tonight: A bottle of prosecco in the shower to pre-game, a flask for the train/subway/bus/backseat, fuckin Jager bombs, tell the blonde that you're a world-class pickup artist as you clean the vomit from your shirt with her hair, and have a bottle of tequila chillin in the fridge that you're totally gonna have before you pass out watching Cinemax porno at 4am.

Thanks to everyone for a great year!
~Anubis Taylor


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