Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Caron Butler Did The Dew

Wizards star Caron Butler had a problem.

-Not drugs or booze, but a much more...well...neon green problem.

Apparently he is no longer permitted by his family or friends to drink Mountain Dew because he used to drink too much of it. How much? In his words:

"A lot. -Before every game at Connecticut, I drank a two-liter of Mountain Dew. I'm dead serious. Ask my wife what she would have to go get me before a game. I'd be like, 'Hey, stop by the 7-11, bring me a two-liter.' "

He even had a special ritualistic way of drinking it every game:

"Yeah, I'd be wired," Butler confirmed. "I'd drink half [before the game], and then I'd drink half at halftime. Because, you know, it shoots you up. And then there's a down, and you're flat-lining, and you've got to go back up again. That's what I've been doing, but they don't want me to drink it any more. They done took my Mountain Dew from me."

Personally, I only drink Mountain Dew once a year on Halloween. The green color for some reason looks "Halloweeny" to me, and I usually am doing some crazy partying on Halloween that only Mountain Dew's levels of hyperactivity can prepare me for. Hearing that Caron was addicted is no surprise to me as that stuff is pure electricity in a bottle. It's also no surprise that Caron's primary reason for drinking it was as an energy boost as that stuff tastes like pure goat piss.

I have a good friend who would drink Mountain Dew Code Red as his only source of fluids. He never drank water and after a while it became apparent that it was the only thing he would consume. I have been face to face with the Dew addiction my friends...and it is rough.

"Y'all think this is just a game; it's dead serious," he said. "I've got six refrigerators in the house. I used to have Mountain Dews filled in all of them. I don't have A Mountain Dew in my refrigerator no more. It's crazy, man. Pretty soon they'll say I can't chew my straws any more."

Hopefully he stays neon-green sober.
Wait...who am I kidding? I would LOVE to see him frothing at the mouth and yelling about extreme sports during a primetime broadcast. He'd look like that Mountain Dew machine that turned into a robot in Transformers The Movie.


G.L. Rawx on December 6, 2007 at 5:36 AM said...

Yeah man Caron's got some crazy rituals. I saw a special on NBA TV with him talking about it, he chews like 50 straws a day. He has his chick go to McDonalds and just get handfuls of straws because they're his "favorite". You know it's retarded when you have a "favorite" type of straw. Plus the Dew is fantastic, I can attest it does not taste like goat piss. Mountain Dew > Goat Piss.

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