Sunday, January 13, 2008

Bulls Team To Noah: We Don't Like You


I have watched the ol' "NBA basketball" with many people, and seemingly all have said of Joakim Noah, "Wow. That guy yells and pumps his fist all the time. He seems to do it whenever he farts, let alone scores. I wonder if that gets annoying after a while." To this I usually respond by taking a swig of beer, and then pumping my fist and doing a primal yell.

Apparently the Bulls agree with most people who find Joakim Noah annoying. ESPN is reporting that Noah was benched for Sunday's game with the Atlanta Hawks...BY HIS OWN TEAMMATES.

Yes, you read that right. Noah had been suspended for a game for being a jackass to Bulls assistant coach Ron Adams, but when he was to come back for the game against the Hawks his own teammates went to Bull's brass and said no dice. It seems as if Noah is typically late to meetings and generally a bit of a jerk to the people around him. The team is hoping to send a message that he isn't a drooled-over (by male sportcasters, no woman would touch him) anymore, and the sheer lust they feel for his mom will no longer force them to tolerate his antics.

This action by the Bulls team completely floors me. The NBA is a land of crazy personalities and assholes, and in the midst of that the team still said Noah just was too bad to be on the floor. On top of that, I thought the team would really take dictator-Skiles' departure as a cue to relax a bit on discipline, but it looks like they are going in the opposite direction.

This leads me to the direct reason why I agree with the Bulls' decision to bench Noah. It's not his attitude. It's not his annoying enthusiasm. It's not even that NBA draft photo of him.

The reason I just do not want to see Joakim Noah on the floor is that he looks like that ugly lunchlady you inevitably had at some point in high school/grade school growing up.

Think about it. That person always had a mole. She always had that really gross hair tied back in a haphazard hair net. Her teeth were crooked and a bit on the yellowish side. She ALWAYS needed a shave. Now we have a basketball player who is the physical embodiment of every lunchlady you wanted to forget (except one lunchlady I had, who looked EXACTLY like Bebop from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles).

I figure that the less of Noah I see on the court, the less I am emblazened by flashbacks of finding hairs in my food and realizing they came from the creepy creature with the mashed potato scoop.
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Author's Note: To back up the beginning of this article, I set out to find one photo or two of Noah doing a yell and a fist pump. What I found were THOUSANDS of such photos. No wonder this guy's team told him to shut up and pass the gatorade.

2 comments:

Hardwood Paroxysm said...

Yeah, but what would you rather have?

Joakim Noah who's annoying but actually tries?

Or Vince Carter who's cool, calm, and collected, but doesn't give a rat's ass.

Or Ben Wallace. Who certainly never yells, but that's because if he died on the floor no one would be able to tell. Until he accidentally fell over and onto the ball, and then people would notice because it would be the first time all season it looked like he made an effort.

I'm just sayin'.

Also, if we can live with Sam Cassell, Mike Miller, and Manu Ginobili's landing-strip of a nose, surely we can find room in our hearts for young Noah.

Taylor Cunningham on January 14, 2008 at 4:40 PM said...

how does something that ugly come out of the vag of someone that hot?

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