Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Pat Riley Knows How To Turn This Team Around

Pat Riley's team sucks ass.

Let's just get that out of the way. The Heat are not only injured beyond belief at this point, but also are awful enough when they ARE healthy to make it look like they are tanking the rest of the season for that #1 draft pick (even though they aren't...I shudder at the purgatory Shawn Marion is in).

Do minor details like this bother a man like Pat Riley? You're joking right? This guy regularly smiles through firing coaches and players, not to mention castrating Stan Van Gundy and taking away his Heat championship a few years back. This is NOTHING to him.

This helps explain why Pat Riley is spending his somber losing streak days, in which he should be doing everything possible to turn around his fallen franchise, attending Bruce Springsteen concerts. Who needs to figure out silly things like rotations and who should stay with the team this offseason when you have the smooth grooves of "Born to Run" and "Born In The U.S.A." and other songs about birth? After all, even Steve Van Zandt certainly can do no worse than Smush Parker.

During a recent concert, Springsteen apparently even dedicated a song to Pat Riley. The thought of these two even possibly holding a conversation seems so alien to me. The rugged working class boy from New Jersey chatting with the slick-haired cosmopolitan "Al Pacino in the movie The Devil's Advocate" clone? I don't think so. Pat Riley most likely doesn't even listen to music. He just listens to the scream Dwayne Wade bellowed when his shoulder was dislocated on his ipod on loop.

Ah well, I guess everyone has their way of dealing with stress differently. At the very least, the next time I have a bad day at work I now will follow Pat Riley's advice. Will I attempt to solve the problem right away or throw myself into my work to discover the source of the problem? Nah. I'll just utter the words of Riles:

"Life is too short not to be able to enjoy it a little bit, even when things are going bad. You've got a choice of going home, curling up in your bed and put the covers over you, or you can go see the Boss. I'll go see the Boss."

Enjoy the season tickets, Heat fans!


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