Monday, December 14, 2009

After Loss, Raiders Coach Tom Cable Beats Crap Out Of Self, Others

OAKLAND, California - After the Raiders 34-13 loss to the Redskins yesterday, Tom Cable, noted already under investigation by the league for alleged physical abuse against former Raiders assistant Randy Hanson and mistreatment of his wives, beat the living crap out of himself.

The pudgy, bulldog-looking coach showed up for Monday practice with a swollen lip and multiple black and blues on his face. He was still foaming at the mouth, and hit a number of inanimate objects (including, but not limited to, Raiders WR bust Darrius Heyward-Bey).

"I think coach might have an anger management problem", said RB Justin Fargas, shortly before his head was separated from his body by Cable. Immediately following the decapitation by Cable, a booming voice filled the practice facility. It was believed to be crazy Radiers owner Al Davis, who had seen the crime and had said over a microphone the word, "Fatality!"


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