Friday, December 11, 2009

Ward To Media: "Despite Loss, I Will Remain Obnoxious"

PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania - The Steelers suffered a crushing blow to their playoff chances from the Cleveland Browns last evening, losing by the baseball score of 13-6.

Despite this loss, and likely end to playoff talk in Pittsburgh, Hines Ward has courageously maintained he will remain an obnoxious jackass.

"This team thrives on my ability to call out our QB who has won two Super Bowls, give the opposing team bulletin board material, and produce illegal hits that shifts negative media attention to us. Just because we are likely eliminated from the playoffs, who am I to stop producing in that way for our team?", said Ward on Friday. "Being an asshole is in my DNA. It has been since that first kid on the playground made that asian chopstick joke at me and I kicked his ass. I don't plan to stop now." Ward then spit on a 7-year old girl that happened to be wearing the color brown.

Tomlin praised Ward's resilience: "Speaking as someone that simply inherited a Super Bowl team that Bill Cowher built, and have subsequently crashed into the rocks, I feel a kinship with others that talk with a sense of entitlement and cockiness. Ward's ability to be a dick cannot be replaced on this team." Tomlin then punched the 10th person who had asked for his autograph as actor Omar Epps during the Q & A session.


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